The Boy from the Eastside
by turntoPaige394
Summary: His words were etched onto her skin, changing in accordance with his heart's deepest desires. He was her soulmate... but the boy from the eastside of Cokeworth, her best friend, only had eyes for someone else. Soulmate AU [PART 3 of The Ties that Bind series]
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, I'm just playing with it.**

 ***Typically students start at Hogwarts when they are 11, but when I wrote this it slipped my mind and I mis-remembered it as 12. Sorry for the discrepancy.***

* * *

" _He used to meet me on the Eastside  
In the city where the sun don't set  
And every day you know where we ride  
Through the backstreets in a blue Corvette  
And baby, you know I just wanna leave tonight  
We can go anywhere we want  
Drive down to the coast, jump in the sea  
Just take my hand and come with me  
Singing_

 _We can do anything if we put our minds to it_  
 _Take your whole life then you put a line through it_  
 _My love is yours if you're willing to take it_  
 _Give me your heart 'cause I ain't gonna break it_  
 _So come away, starting today_  
 _Start a new life, together in a different place_  
 _We know that love is how all these ideas came to be_  
 _So baby, run away with me."_

 _-Benny Blanco feat. Khalid & Halsey, "Eastside"_

x-x-x

x-x-x

They met when they were twelve.

Well, she was still eleven. He was twelve.

Hermione was sitting alone in the wide grass clearing near the perpetually dirty river waving her hands over the little yellow flowers to make them bloom and fly into the air. The summer heat in Cokeworth was stifling, the oppressive humidity only making the horrid stench on the eastside of town worse, but she didn't really care. She lived on the other side of the downtrodden working class city, the more affluent side full of perfectly nice, middle class families but it didn't interest her much. There was just something about this part of town that called to her, like an undeniable Siren song.

It had always been like that and she never thought to question it.

Why would she? She loved it here.

"You can do magic."

Hermione turned to see a small, scrawny boy in possibly the oddest assortment of mismatched clothing she had ever seen. His skin was sallow, his dark hair long and shiny under the sun. He came a little closer and she could see that his slightly beaky nose was entirely too large for his face, but it suited him somehow. His deep black eyes were watching her warily but with burning curiosity.

"I didn't know anyone else here could do magic."

She smiled, excited to have met someone else who was like her, "I've only just learned that I can."

"How long?"

She thought back, "A few weeks, maybe. You?"

"A year," he answered quickly. Though the boy was clearly still hesitant, he came to sit beside her. He didn't really make eye contact when he spoke and she could tell that he was uncomfortable with being so close, "I'm Severus Snape."

She stuck out her hand in greeting, "Hermione Granger. Pleased to meet you, Severus."

His eyes flashed with something for a moment before he gave a small grin and shook her hand.

When they made contact, the flesh on her inner forearm burned white-hot for a brief moment before it dissipated. Hermione waited until he looked towards the oily river to glance down at her left arm. Right there, inscribed in perfect, spiky calligraphy was one word in stark black.

 _Friends_.

Had she not been devouring every book about magic that she could get her hands on over the past few weeks, she might not have thought about those words twice. She might have simply assumed they were a part of being a witch and went on with her life as if nothing was different.

But as it happens, she _had_ been devouring every magical book she could get her hands on.

And as it happens, she _had_ read something about words suddenly appearing as if etched, like a tattoo, into magical skin.

She watched the odd boy, Severus, as he waved his pale hand towards the large tree they sat under and promptly brought down a huge avalanche of crisp green leaves right onto their heads. They laughed, buried under the pile of leaves that acted as another stifling layer in the hot summer sun, and as she watched his face light up with his laughter, Hermione made a decision.

She would continue to come to the eastside of town every day for the rest of the summer and hopefully, Severus would be there too.

x-x-x

They had grown close quickly- more quickly than she could have ever anticipated. It seemed like no time before they were inseparable, fingers clasped wherever they went. Hermione's parents absolutely adored Severus, though they often voiced their concern at how thin he was. Suffice it to say, they took it upon themselves almost every night to remedy that and it soon became normal for him to accompany her home for supper. They already spent almost every moment of the day together anyway.

He, however, never invited her over and she never asked.

She saw the finger-shaped bruises on his arms before, on a particularly muggy day when he could no longer stand the heavy wool of the patched jacket he wore, and it only took the humiliated look on his face to know how he had gotten them.

So she never bothered him about his family, she just continued to bring him home to hers every day.

He seemed grateful.

"I can't believe we get to go to Hogwarts soon!" Severus exclaimed one crisp evening near the end of the summer.

The sun was beginning to set over the horizon, casting everything on the landscape in burning shades of copper and crimson, and Hermione stretched out onto the cool grass, "I know. It almost doesn't seem real."

He hesitated, but when he spoke his words were uncertain, "What if… what if we're sorted into different Houses? Mum was a Slytherin, so that's probably where I'll end up too."

She hadn't thought of that, to be perfectly honest. To be separated from her best friend, to be sorted into another House, had never even crossed her mind. She had just assumed they would be together, no matter where they ended up. Hermione ran her fingers across the words on her forearm that she always kept carefully hidden from Severus. Surely the Sorting Hat wouldn't separate her from her soulmate?

"Your arm okay? You've been touching it a lot lately."

Hermione just smiled and turned her arm into her stomach, "Fine, just itchy. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about the sorting too much, Severus. No matter where we end, we'll still be friends."

His eyes gleamed with hope, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

x-x-x

Tomorrow, Hermione's parents would be taking them to King's Cross station to catch the Hogwarts Express.

So tonight, they spent their last night in Cokeworth in the grassy field by the river. They had just returned from dinner with her parents and the sky was starting to turn a deep indigo as they lay, side by side, under the light of the rising moon. Neither of them felt like going home just yet, they were much too anxious.

Hermione felt the words on her arm for the hundredth time, for it was safe to do so in the dark where Severus could not see. He would only ask about it again and she wasn't sure if she should say anything yet.

He was her best friend and she really didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Never one to deny her curious nature though, Hermione decided to broach the subject carefully, "Severus? Have you read the books I lent you?"

He snorted, "Of course I did, but I told you I already knew most of that stuff from my mum."

"What about… did you read the part about the words?"

"Yeah, what about it? Load of rubbish if you ask me."

She frowned at him, "Why would it be rubbish? You don't… you don't believe in them? You don't think they're real?"

Severus rolled his eyes so hard she could practically hear them, "Words that magically appear on your skin when you meet your destined soulmate? Don't be such a girl."

"I _am_ a girl," she huffed.

He shrugged.

So that was that, then.

She had those words etched in Severus' spiky handwriting—a fact that had been confirmed when she'd borrowed one of his books—across her arm, revealing the deepest desires of his heart.

But Severus obviously did not wear hers. Wouldn't he have noticed if he did?

A harsh wave of disappointment threatened to overtake her, but she shoved it down deep where she could ignore it. He didn't wear her words. The books didn't mention that such a thing was possible, but apparently it was. He didn't wear her words. Hermione pulled her sleeve down a little further, deciding that it was best not to tell him. He didn't wear her words. Why burden him with the guilt of something that wasn't his fault? He didn't wear her words. Magic, she had learned, was imperfect at the best of times, so she assumed that it was a fluke, a mistake. She was probably never meant to wear his words at all, it had just been some sort of freak accident.

He didn't wear her words.

And she would never tell him.

They were best friends.

She grabbed his hand and they twined their fingers together under the stars.

Best friends. That would be enough.

x-x-x

They huddled together in the train compartment, pouring over the shiny new book her parents had bought for them. The spells in it were a little more complicated than the ones they would be learning as first years but that didn't stop them from devouring the words eagerly anyway.

There came a strong knock just before their sliding compartment door opened, revealing a lovely little girl with hair like fire and eyes like glimmering emeralds.

"Is there room in here for one more?" She asked.

Hermione nodded but she noticed that Severus was curiously silent.

The girl sat across from them, eyeing their book skeptically, "Isn't that a little advanced for first years?"

"Yes," Hermione admitted, "but it is awfully interesting. Would you like to see?"

The girl shook her head and proceeded to dig around in her bag for something. She resurfaced a few moments later with a witch's magazine. _Witch Weekly_? She'd never heard of such a thing.

Brought up to be polite, Hermione extended her hand to the girl, "My name is Hermione Granger."

She shook it a little distastefully, "Lily Evans."

Hermione's arm burned white-hot and she felt the words shifting, for the very first time, under her skin. The compartment was too crowded to look at them now; she would have to wait until later.

Lily watched Severus with mild curiosity, "Are you going to introduce yourself or didn't your parents teach you manners?"

He stiffened.

Hermione touched his arm surreptitiously, "This is Severus Snape."

"You two don't look anything alike," Lily said rather snootily.

She blushed, "Oh, no! No, no we're not… we're friends. We live in the same town—Cokeworth."

"Cokeworth?" Lily sniffed, shifting her flaming hair over one shoulder. "Isn't that in the _working_ district?"

Even as she nodded, because indeed it _was_ , Hermione felt her temper flaring. Who was this arrogant girl to just pop into their compartment and start judging them? She could tell from Lily's tiny jeweled earring and her obviously expensive robes that her family was most assuredly _not_ from Cokeworth or anywhere nearby. Did she think just because she came from money that she was better than them? Neither Hermione nor Severus' families were well-off, but they had enough. Even if Severus himself hadn't had enough before, her parents had quickly seen to that.

This girl knew nothing about them, how dare she judge them this way?

Hermione had nothing else to say to her.

Lily flipped open her magazine and promptly went about ignoring them for the remainder of the trip to Hogwarts. It wasn't until the train pulled into the station and she was gathering her things back into her bag that Hermione caught sight of it.

The faint edge of words across the other girl's collarbone.

Severus eyes were locked onto the three tiny letters that were visible.

As they exited the train and sat, hand in hand as usual, in the tiny boat that glided across the Black Lake towards the castle, Severus squeezed her fingers, "Did you see them?" He asked, his eyes dancing in the firelight. "She had _words_. They're… they're _real_!"

"I tried to tell you they were."

"They don't appear until you meet your soulmate," he continued, ignoring her even as his fingers flexed in hers. "I didn't notice them when she first sat down, did you?"

Hermione felt her stomach rolling uncomfortably, afraid she knew exactly what he was asking, "I wasn't really paying attention."

His smile was blinding, "Hermione… soulmates are _real_. And she has one!"

It was not until later that evening, after they had been sorted as they had feared—she into Gryffindor and he into Slytherin—that Hermione was able to peel back the sleeve of her brand new school robes.

She bit her lip as she looked at her arm. The elegantly scrawled ' _friends'_ was no longer there.

Now, it only read ' _Lily'_.

x-x-x

"Hermione! Hermione!" Severus shouted, sprinting across the lawn to catch up with her. She was on her way to sit under the large willow tree by the Black Lake to study and practice her charms. She stopped to wait for him and he came barreling directly into her, his arms trapping her in a fierce embrace.

She couldn't help but laugh at his uncharacteristic enthusiasm, "Sweet Merlin, hello Severus."

When he pulled back his onyx eyes were bright, happy, "I have them! _I have them!_ "

"What are you talking about? You have what?"

"Words!" He wound his fingers through hers and tugged insistently. "Isn't that amazing? I have a soulmate and I've _met_ them!"

She gave him the most convincing smile she could muster, "That's great, Severus. I'm so happy for you."

"Do you think it's _her_? Do you think it could be?"

The boy before her, the one thrumming with hope and happiness at having discovered words etched on his skin, was her best friend. She'd never been as close to someone as she was to him. No one had ever become like a part of her family like he had. He was the first true friend she had ever had.

He was her soulmate, be she clearly wasn't his.

So she would be his best friend. Dutifully. Always.

She started walking again towards the lake, towing him beside her, "I don't see why not."

He didn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

x-x-x

As the year progressed, Lily and Hermione became friends somewhat. After all, they shared a dormitory so it was impossible not to grow closer. By extension, Hermione also became friends with Lily's friends- James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. They fancied calling themselves 'The Marauders', which Hermione found ridiculous, exclusive, and distasteful, but since they only pulled harmless pranks on people, she didn't really see the point in bringing it up.

She and Severus remained friends, just as she promised they would, but things were different. Ever since she had become closer with Lily, Severus pestered her about the girl endlessly. He wanted to know anything and everything about her.

"Have you seen her words?" He asked one day as they were ducking to avoid the ghastly charmed cupids that floated around the hallways. "Do you know what they say?"

For the millionth time, Hermione huffed in annoyance as she pulled her books into her chest, "No, Severus. I haven't seen them. She keeps them hidden. Everyone does, you know that."

"Maybe you could ask her—"

She rounded on him, "Severus Snape, if you don't stop pestering me about my friend I'm going to tell mum and dad not to give you any dessert all summer. Is that what you want?"

He had a sweet tooth and she often used it against him, much to his obvious displeasure. Severus crossed his arms and grumbled something intelligible as he trudged off towards the staircase that would take him to his Divination class.

Hermione sighed, leaning back against the cool stone wall for a moment.

It was going to be a long summer if he kept this up.


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling still owns Harry Potter, you guys. You know that.**

* * *

Determined not to be denied any of Hermione's mum's fantastic desserts over the summer, Severus had behaved himself admirably. He did not ask about Lily once and for that, Hermione was grateful.

By the end of their first year, most of her friends had revealed their words to her in some capacity.

She had never shown anyone.

She denied she had them.

She always wore long sleeves.

The summer had been rather uneventful; Severus and Hermione still spent all of their days and evenings together, mostly studying the textbooks they would be using in their upcoming school year. Sometimes they would walk, hand in hand, along the shallow bank of the polluted river until they almost came upon the next town, but then they would simply turn around and walk back to Cokeworth.

Hermione still felt anger when she thought of the way Lily had dismissed their hometown.

She loved it here.

Even with the muggy smog from the factory and the boarded up houses and the crumbling cobblestone streets and the oil-slicked river.

This place was home and she would never trade it for anything.

When they were on their way back to Hogwarts for their second year, Lily, James, and Sirius had joined them in their train compartment.

"Hermione, how was your summer?" James asked congenially. He always was rather charming, even if he did have a horrible penchant for mischief and trouble.

"Lovely," she smiled, leaning into Severus' arm a little. "Read lots of books."

Sirius snorted and rolled his warm brown eyes, "Surprise, surprise. You know Hermione, if you're not careful you might try to become an Animagus one day and discover that you are, in fact a worm holding a book."

Severus hissed but she just laughed and patted his arm, "Thanks, Sirius. I'll keep that in mind."

In a rare show of inclusion, Lily turned to Severus, "And you? How was your summer?"

He seemed stunned that she was talking to him and his cheeks bloomed with color, "F… fine."

"Spent it with Hermione, did you?"

He scooted away from Hermione quickly, his eyes wide and beseeching, "No, no! I mean… we hung out a little but not every day or anything!"

James watched Hermione carefully but she pretended not to notice.

Lily shrugged, unconcerned, "I just know how inseparable you two are."

Hermione chimed in then. She didn't want to be subject to whatever lies Severus was going to spout this time. She waved her hand dismissively as she smiled, "Oh, you know how it is when you're friends with someone who lives in the same place. You're bound to run into each other from time to time."

"Yes," Severus agreed vehemently. "We just ran into each other a few times."

The rest of the train ride, neither Severus nor Hermione spoke to each other.

x-x-x

It was two entire months into the school year before Severus finally sought her out in the library.

"Hey," he said quietly, shuffling his feet and looking at the floor.

She shut her book and looked up at him. He was a little taller now, though still just as lanky as before, but he was beginning to lose some of the baby-like shape his face held when they first met. "Hi, Severus."

"Can I sit?"

She moved her things aside, "Of course."

It was quiet for so long that Hermione reopened her book and continued scratching on her parchment.

"You still mad at me?"

She sighed, "I was never mad at you, Severus. You're the one that wouldn't talk to _me_."

He pushed her books and her essay to the side, "I wasn't trying to be mean. I just… I didn't want Lily to think anything about us, you know?"

Hermione grabbed her left arm surreptitiously, "I understand. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

Severus scowled at the table, "I missed you, though."

"Me, too."

His eyes snapped up to meet hers, onyx to cinnamon, "Yeah?"

"Duh, you daft git," she shoved him with her shoulder. "You're my best friend, of course I missed you. Even if you were being a prat."

He smirked, "Severus Snape, at your service."

Hermione snatched her things back from his side of the table, "Now that you're speaking to me, you still coming home with me for Christmas hols?"

"Duh, you daft git," he mimicked her with a comically high voice. "You're my best friend, of course I'm coming with you."

They remained in the library for the rest of the evening and for the first time in many weeks, Hermione felt okay.

x-x-x

"I don't know… what do you think?"

Hermione surveyed the object he held in his hands, surprised that he had such good taste, "What exactly is it?"

Severus huffed, "It's an enchanted hair comb, you ninny. You know, so you never have to worry about your hair getting messed up when you wear it. Do you think she'd like it?"

She ran her hand down the back of her ridiculously bush of chocolate curls self-consciously, "Uhm… yeah. It's very pretty, I think she would."

"You're the best," he grinned as he turned towards the counter. "I'll take this, please."

Hermione bit her lip and discreetly hid the Elven glass stirring rod she'd chosen for him behind her bag as she waited for him to pay for her friend's Christmas gift.

x-x-x

He was all bravado, as it turns out.

Upon returning to school after the holiday, Severus refused to give Lily the gift himself so he employed Hermione to do it in his stead.

A few weeks into the spring term, Hermione was sitting on her crimson-adorned four poster bed, perusing the book on advanced Arithmancy that Severus had gifted her when Lily came in, her fiery red hair windswept and her robes slightly rumpled, "Hermione!"

She looked up and her brows raised as she took in the girl's disheveled appearance, "What on earth happened to you?"

"The Marauders decided on an impromptu Quidditch match and I was deemed referee. The wind is awful out there!"

"Impromptu Quidditch? At 8:00 in the evening? With five players?"

Lily shrugged, still grinning as she removed her robes, "I never said it made any sense. Haven't you learned that reasoning with them is pointless by now?"

Hermione nodded, turning back to her book. She had learned that quite quickly.

"New book?" Lily asked, falling back on her bedspread.

"Severus gave it to me for Christmas."

The other girl sat up, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, "Oooh, exchanging gifts?"

Hermione's heart twisted, "It's… it's not like that," she mumbled.

"But you _want_ it to be," the other girl teased.

She blushed furiously, "Don't be silly, he's my best friend."

"Mmmhmm…"

Hermione set her book aside and crawled to the end of the bed so she could access her trunk. She flipped it open and dug towards the bottom for a moment until she felt the small, silver-wrapped package Severus had given her. She turned to Lily, holding to packing to her, "Here. This is from Severus."

Lily's eyes were wide with surprised as she took it, "Oh. Thanks."

She didn't want to watch her friend open it. She didn't want to catalog her reactions to the beautiful, silver-inlaid comb that had been chosen especially for her. But she knew Severus would want a full report on her reaction.

So she watched.

The giftwrap fell away and Lily actually gasped as the comb shimmered in the light from the wall sconces, "It's lovely. He bought this for _me_?"

Hermione nodded.

Lily looked up and in that moment, when those radiant green eyes met hers, Hermione _knew_ that she knew. She could see it on her beautiful friend's face. "Hermione…"

"Is it okay for me to tell him you like it?"

"Hermione," Lily said again. "I… I'm so sorry. I don't… you _know_ I don't…"

Tears threatened but she just smiled softly, "I know. But he feels how he feels. What can I do?"

For the first time in their entire friendship, Lily came and wrapped Hermione in a warm embrace, "Boys can be so stupid."

Hermione clung to the other girl, her idiotic thirteen year old heart pounding furiously, "Please tell me you don't... that you don't wear Severus' words."

Lily pulled back just enough to see her friend's face and she promptly pulled down the collar of her shirt to expose James Potter's unmistakably messy scrawl gliding across her collarbone.

James Potter's handwriting that said _Quidditch_.

Hermione let out a harsh breath, "Oh, thank the Gods."

Lily slumped onto Hermione's bed and pulled her back into a hug, resting her chin atop the bushy curls, "Does he know?"

"No."

"Hermione…"

"Please, Lily. Don't. Just… leave it alone."

The other girl rubbed her back soothingly, "Do you… do you have words, too?"

She hesitated, "I… yes."

"Whose are they?"

Hermione did not answer, but as her fingers tightened around Lily's shirt, it was clear that she didn't need to.

Lily hugged her tighter.

x-x-x

"Well?" Severus urged, his grip on her arm bordering on painful. "What did she say? Did she like it?"

Hermione leaned back against the willow and pulled her cloak around her a little tighter to ward off the chill, "Of course she did, Severus. It was a lovely gift."

"Did she… did she say anything else?"

She pulled her book out and feigned an annoyed sigh, "You are utterly impossible."

He shoved her, grinning, "But you love me anyway."

Her chest squeezed and she rubbed her left arm.

x-x-x

The summer before their third year was the first time things had felt a little awkward between them. Severus was fourteen now and you could certainly tell. He had sprouted a good four inches seemingly overnight and his face was spotty with acne. With the surge in hormones, his usually silken hair was slightly greasy no matter how much he showered. He was still thin, but he had a little more muscle tone now. His voice cracked every now and then but it was significantly deeper than it had been before.

It did all sorts of interesting things to her stomach.

Hermione would be fourteen as well in a few short weeks, just after the start of the school term, and her appearance was reflecting changes as well. She, too, had some slight acne but some deity had taken mercy on her and her curls became heavy, glossy ringlets that were much more manageable than the bushy mass had been. She had filled out a little so her clothes were a bit snug now, but she didn't really mind. Perhaps, if Severus saw that she was maturing, he would start to see her in a different light.

Though, that was a seriously far-fetched hope.

The word on her arm had not changed since their first year.

"We should go swimming," he said one particularly unbearable summer afternoon. "This heat is murder."

Her eyebrows lifted, though the idea of seeing him shirtless did have merit, "And where would you propose we do that?"

He motioned towards the disgusting river.

"You're joking."

"I am too hot to give a shit, quite honestly."

"Severus," she admonished. "There is every possibility we could get dysentery or something from that water. Have you _looked_ at it?"

He shrugged and made to remove his shirt.

She grabbed his arm, her cheeks flushed with something entirely different than the summer heat, "Severus, be serious. You'll get sick."

"Then you'll just have to nurse me back to health," he yanked his shirt over his head and threw it to the ground. "Isn't that what friends are for?"

Hermione caught her breath when he turned to her. He was pale and ethereal, almost luminescent under the sun, and there was a dark trail of hair that led from his naval below the line of his trousers. All the blood promptly rushed to her face.

Merlin, have mercy.

"Coming?"

His hand was held out expectantly for her but just as she went to grab it, the world seemed to give way beneath her.

His words.

Tiny, familiar cursive etched into the skin of his right hip.

 _'Severus'_ was written in his flesh in Hermione's perfect, symmetrical script.

He wore her words.

 _He wore her words_.

And yet, he wanted someone else.

She felt sick.

"I… I have to go," she stammered, clambering to her feet before she took off in the direction of her side of town. "I'll… I'll see you for dinner, okay?"

"Hermione!" He called after her but she couldn't stop. Her feet wouldn't let her. She kept running, faster and faster, past her neighbors homes, past her own, until she was nearly in the next town. She fell to her knees and vomited all over someone's perfectly pruned azalea bushes. Hot, angry tears stung her eyes as she retched and she held her abdomen tightly, rocking forward on her heels.

He was her soulmate.

Her best friend wore her words and she wore his.

And yet, he didn't want her.

She vomited again.

x-x-x

He had tried to ask her why she'd run away. He had tried to apologize for upsetting her. Hermione simply waved him off and told him he was being silly and not to worry about it.

Their third year, once it had commenced, continued on much the same as the others had: they were still inseparable, studying together every free moment they could spare, and he still continually asked after Lily. It didn't matter that Lily was spending all of her time practically hanging from James' arm now. Severus didn't care.

He was convinced the words on his hip were hers and that deep down, Lily wanted _him_.

"She'll come around," he said one day when they were on their way to Hogsmeade, arm in arm as usual. "I've done my research on soulmate magic. It's a pretty sure thing."

Hermione did not agree; look at _them_.

"Maybe," she said noncommittally. "It's just… how do you know the words are hers? Have you ever seen her handwriting?"

He frowned at the uneven ground, "No… but it has to be her. I can't even imagine who else in this school it could be if not her."

Hermione didn't say anything. How had they been friends for years and yet he didn't recognize her own handwriting on his skin? Perhaps he just didn't want to recognize it, for if he did…

"Hey," he nudged her. "Don't be upset, Hermione. You'll get your words someday, too."

She chuckled humorlessly as she tugged her sleeve down a little more, "Yeah."

Severus stopped and put his hands on her shoulders, his expression pained, "You… you haven't gotten them yet, have you?"

She was taken aback by the look on his face, "Why does it matter?"

A horrified realization dawned across his features, "You have them, don't you?"

Hermione tried to escape his grasp, "Come on, Severus. We only have a few hours to spend at Hogsmeade and…"

His palm wrapped around her upper arm and his voice was low, "Who is it?"

"Severus…"

"You're my best friend," he said quietly. "And you didn't even tell me you had them. _Who is it_?"

She snatched her arm from his grasp and stalked off towards the tiny village, "Don't worry about it," she snapped. "It doesn't matter."

He stood, seemingly frozen, for a few moments before he jogged to catch up with her.

He entwined their arms and did not ask about her words again.


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Say it with me now: "J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, not meeeee."**

* * *

"It's going to be your birthday soon," Severus commented as they read their respective books under the waning summer sun. "The big one-five."

Hermione looked down to the glossy-black haired boy who was laying quite comfortably on her lap, "Yes, that tends to happen. What does it matter?"

He pushed himself up and reached into the small blue backpack he had brought with him, revealing a brand new bottle of Ogden's Finest Firewhiskey, "I thought we should celebrate."

She blanched, "Severus, we are not nearly old enough for that."

He gave a loud, barking laugh, "Are you always such a stickler for the rules? Where's your sense of fun and adventure?"

She snapped her book shut, "Severus Snape, you have known me since I was eleven years old. I am certain you can answer those questions for yourself, thank you very much."

"Oh, come on," he waved the bottle at her and waggling his severe eyebrows. "I bought it just for you."

 _Just for you_. Hermione unconsciously touched her fingers to her arm, to the word that still had not changed since they were young. She knew it wasn't a good idea and that there was a distinct possibility that she would say too much, reveal too much, but he was looking at her with eyes so full of excitement and hope and happiness that she knew she couldn't deny him anything he wanted. Not when he looked at her like that.

Well, shit.

She snatched the heavy glass bottle from him, ripped it open, and took a deep gulp… which she promptly spluttered all over herself, "Merlin's testicles, that is atrocious!"

He was snickering silently as he took the bottle from her and brought it to his lips. She watched in awed fascination as his prominent Adam's apple bobbed with the action of swallowing the alcohol. Her stomach coiled, her heart fluttered.

He was so beautiful.

"You'll get used to it. I didn't used to care for it either but the other Slytherins can be relentless."

She didn't respond as he handed the whiskey back and she took a deep drink, forcing herself not to cough and choke as it burned down her esophagus and into her stomach. Despite the awful taste, Hermione was already beginning to feel a lovely little tingling in her limbs and her head started to swim deliciously. She took another long swig before giving it back to him.

x-x-x

They were absolutely pissed.

Completely, unabashedly drunk off their arses.

Hermione giggled uncontrollably as she fell back against him and he held the glass bottle above her mouth. Even for being totally drunk he had perfect aim.

"I feel like a goddess," she proclaimed as she licked the drops of whiskey from her lips. "Or perhaps a queen, with a servant dutifully pouring wine down my throat."

He tumbled backwards against the grass as he downed another gulp of the amber liquid, "Queen Hermione… yeah, I can see it."

She tried to smack his shoulder but she missed and flopped uselessly beside him, "What's that s'posed to mean?"

He tried to hand her the bottle again but she missed rather spectacularly as the sky spun above her so he just drank again, "You're pretty enough to be a queen."

Her head was spinning but she turned it to look at him anyway, "You think I'm pretty?"

His words were slightly garbled but he managed, "I'm not blind."

Hermione sighed, fingering her arm gently, "I like that you think I'm pretty."

"Why?" He asked, confused.

"'Cuz I love you," she slurred, tilting her head towards his.

Severus smiled drunkenly, "Love you too, 'Mione. Best friends, right?"

"Right!" She shouted, much too loud, and they burst into laughter again.

They lay there under the moonbeams, three sheets to the wind, in drunken silence for a while before Hermione saw Severus move to come rest on his arms above her.

"'Mione? Can I kiss you?"

She hummed, "Yep," with her lips smacking obnoxiously on the 'p'.

He leaned down and though at first it was drunk and clumsy and slightly awkward, Severus pressed his lips to hers. At first it was soft and tentative and gentle, but whether it was because of the alcohol or something else altogether, something crackled between them and their breathing grew heavy. His crooked teeth clacked against hers as he tried to slip his tongue into her mouth and she groaned as she allowed him inside. He swept across her mouth and he tasted like whiskey and her mum's chocolate cake and… something completely _him._ Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of her but huffed sharply when his full weight came slamming down on her. He was certainly much heavier than he looked.

That seemed to bring him back to reality and spots of crimson bloomed high on his cheeks, "S… sorry," he mumbled, grabbing the bottle and kicking back another large swig.

Hermione smiled up at the twinkling stars, her heart hammering almost painfully in her chest, "S'okay."

x-x-x

For the entirety of their fourth year, neither of them seemed inclined to talk about the drunken kiss.

In fact, they both seemed perfectly content to pretend it never happened at all.

But Hermione knew… oh yes, she knew it had happened.

She still felt the ghost of his lips on hers every single day.

x-x-x

"Do you have anything to wear for the Yule Ball yet?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "And why on earth would I? I'm not going."

Severus rolled over on the floor of the library so he could see her face. He was frowning, though that was hardly unusual for him, "Why not?"

She internally congratulated herself for not letting her hands shake or the tears show in her eyes, "Because no one's asked me."

He said nothing for a moment, "What about… you know, your words? Has that person not…?"

Her answer was quick and concise, "No."

"I really wish you would tell me who—"

When she answered, her voice was sharp like broken glass, "Let it go, Severus."

He didn't bring it up again. Instead, he plucked the book from her hands, "Go with me."

Her eyes were wide and her heart seemed to forget what it was supposed to be doing, "What?"

"Well, you know Lily's going with James so I thought…"

And just like that, she felt nauseous again.

Always the second choice, the back-up.

But as always, he was her best friend and she would do her duty to him faithfully, without complaint.

She shoved the hurt and the little slivers of her breaking heart down and smiled at him, "We should probably head to Hogsmeade then."

And they did.

x-x-x

Hermione stared at herself in the mirror, hardly able to recognize the girl—woman—staring back at her. She was… resplendent, there really was no other way to describe it. Never, not once in her life, had she felt pretty with her bushy hair and big teeth and boyish figure. But here, draped in the opulent, form fitting golden dress she had chosen only a few days before, she felt beautiful. Oh, sure her hair was no longer bushy, and she had _some_ curves now thanks to puberty, and she had her large beaver-like teeth fixed after a Potions accident during her third year, but with her curls pinned to the top of her head with pastel pink orchids wound around and within them like a crown, she felt… confident.

Like he would _have_ to look at her tonight. Like he would have to really _see_ her.

Perhaps for the first time ever.

Lily came out of their shared bathroom and audibly gasped, "Holy crap, Hermione. You look amazing!"

Hermione turned to her friend and felt her confidence falter a little. Of course, she had to be ten times more magnificent in a rich mahogany gown that plunged almost indecently at the neckline. Her friend's fiery red hair was in large, loose curls around her face and she had enchanted her eyes with a makeup glamour.

She was stunning.

Lily came over to her and grabbed her hands, "Twirl for me."

She didn't want to, but she knew Lily would complain otherwise so she did.

"Hermione… I just can't believe how fantastic you look! Severus will definitely…"

Hermione looked up to see her friend staring down at the inner flesh of her left arm with wide, horror-struck eyes. Her stomach dropped; she hadn't had a chance to glamour the words yet.

Lily looked up at her slowly, her radiant emerald eyes shimmering with unshed tears, "Shit… Hermione, I am _so, so_ sorry."

She had to clench her teeth to prevent her own tears from falling. No, she wouldn't let all of her hard charm work be ruined by some silly crying. Hermione pulled her friend into a quick hug, "It's not your fault, Lily. Let's just go and have fun, yeah?"

It took her friend a few moments to compose herself but eventually they descended the stairs to the Common Room and then down to the Entrance Hall.

x-x-x

As she anticipated, Severus gawked at Lily when he saw her.

What she hadn't expected, however, was the similarly stunned look he had when he realized that she was there too.

It took her a moment to realize that he hadn't recognized her.

Hermione quickly checked to make sure the glamour was in place over her words and then made her way to Severus' side, slipping her arm into his, "Hello, good sir."

"Merlin's fucking balls, Hermione," he breathed, his eyes raking over her. "You look beautiful."

She blushed a little and she cleared her throat when she saw Lily's sly smirk a few feet ahead of them, "Thank you, Severus."

"I had no idea you could look so…" He stammered and his cheeks went pink. "No, wait… I don't mean that you're not _pretty_ , but I just…"

Hermione smiled sweetly up at him, "Severus?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up before I punch you."

He laughed, loud and hard, breaking the tension and just like that things were back to normal.

x-x-x

Severus looked at her differently after the Yule Ball.

They were still best friends, still joined at the hip going everywhere together that they could get away with, but something had changed. It was a small, slight change, but it was there.

Sometimes she would catch him staring at her and he'd flush with embarrassment, pretending that he was looking somewhere else.

Sometimes his voice would crack when he was talking to her, but he would just blush again, clear his throat, and then continue whatever he was saying.

They still walked around, arm in arm, but sometimes… it felt different than before.

Hermione tried very, very hard not to get her hopes up.

The word on her arm was still the same… but it was not as crisp and clear as it had been. It almost looked cloudy, like she had to squint to read it.

He didn't talk about Lily as much as he had before.

She continually told herself not to think too much of it.

x-x-x

The summer before their fifth year, Hermione's parents took them on vacation to Cancun for two weeks. Her mum had been pestering her dad for years that she wanted to go, but they were just now in a secure enough place with their dental practice that they could afford to take the time off.

Severus never even hesitated when they offered.

They were older now, Severus was sixteen and she would be as well in a few short weeks, so her parents made them stay in separate rooms on opposite sides of their bungalow.

That didn't stop them from sneaking into each other's rooms in the middle of the night.

Severus still looked at her in that new way but their relationship hadn't really changed all that much. They were still the best of friends and still had more interest in books than anything else, so most nights they would just read together.

Though he usually laid his head in her lap to do so.

She never complained.

There was one night, however, when he surprised her.

"We should go for a swim," he said a little breathlessly, tossing his book aside.

Hermione eyed him over the spine of her muggle romance novel, "Severus, it's like three in the morning. We _should_ be going to sleep."

She expected him to argue or to push her around playfully like he usually did. But he didn't. Instead, he just took her hand and looked at her with gentle eyes, "Please?"

Her heart, the traitorous bastard, tumbled around in her chest and her resistance crumbled, "Okay."

Next thing she knew, they were both on the beach at the edge of the water in their respective swimsuits. Hermione tried not to think of how long it took her to muster the courage to wear the bikini in front of him.

He took her hand, like he had almost every day since she was eleven, and pulled her into the cool water that lapped lazily at their ankles.

Once they were out far enough for the water to reach his waist—her chest, damn his height—Severus looked up at the large, iridescent moon that hung in the sky above them.

"Whose words do you wear?" He asked quietly, not shifting his gaze from the moon. "We tell each other everything yet you won't tell me that."

Hermione felt like her heart had rocketed into her throat, "Please just leave it alone, Severus. _Please_."

He looked down at her and she was struck, once again, by how beautiful he was like this. His eyes searched hers and she was certain that if he'd even had the slightest skill at Legilimency, he would be able to pluck the answer straight from her mind like an offering. She was fairly sure her thoughts were screaming it right about now.

"What if…" He touched her face tentatively. "What if I don't want you to wear someone's words?"

"It doesn't work that way," she whispered, afraid to break the moment. "You know that."

Severus bent down and brushed his lips across her mouth. He pulled back minutely, watching her, "Is this okay?"

She nodded helplessly and he kissed her again.

Her arm tingled.


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K Rowling owns all of Harry Potter, much as I wish I was her.**

 ***Trigger Warning: mentions of self-harm, although not quite in the traditional sense.***

 ***EDITED & RE-POSTED on 10-28-18***

* * *

Their fifth year was much the same as the ones that came before it. Hermione and Severus spent all their free time together and tried not to be awkward around each other after the kiss that had happened during their time in Cancun with her parents.

It was inevitable, of course, but most of time things were just the same as they had always been.

The word on her arm was still there but it was smudged and much harder to read.

Hermione was studying in the library when Severus suddenly appeared from nowhere and plunked his heavy bag onto the table.

"Scoot," he growled. Hermione grinned and rolled her eyes as she moved her things; clearly, someone had a bad day.

She said as much.

"You could say that," he almost ripped the textbook that he flung open in front of him and he _did_ tear through his parchment with the first scratch of his quill.

Hermione knew that there was little reasoning with him when he was in one of his moods, so she simply handed him a new piece of parchment which he snatched from her hand with much more force than necessary.

There was only angry, tension-filled silence for upwards of an hour before he slammed his textbook shut and rounded on her, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Panic threatened to choke her. Did he… did he know?

How could he? She was always very careful with her glamour charms and she had even taken to altering her own handwriting so he wouldn't make the connection with his own words. Lily had sworn not to tell and there had been no falling out between them for her to expose her secret…

"I'll take your silence as confirmation," he spat, his eyes hard and burning with fury.

"Severus, what on earth are you talking about?" She feigned ignorance even though her pulse was drumming like hummingbird wings.

"It's James," he snapped. "Your words are fucking _Potter's_. That arrogant, undeserving _prat_ …"

His quill snapped in his fist and she forced his hand open before he cut himself on the sharp edges on the broken feather, "Severus, I assure you- the words are _not_ James Potter's."

"Then why has he been asking around for you so insistently all day?"

Hermione furrowed her brow, "I haven't the slightest idea. Did he say what he wanted?"

Severus grabbed his bag and thrust his things into it, "Oh, now I'm your owl too? Sod off."

She grabbed the back of his robes just as he began to stalk off towards the exit. He didn't turn around but he did stop. His entire frame was trembling. "Severus," she said softly. "It's not him. I swear."

Something in him seemed to snap and he whirled around, dropping his bag as he dragged her into his arms.

Her arm tingled again.

"Severus…"

He cut her off by kissing her, perhaps a little too hard, but she didn't push him away. She likely never would.

"Not James," he breathed against her mouth. "Not James."

"No," she confirmed. "Not James."

He rested his forehead against hers and sighed, " _Not James_."

x-x-x

James Potter had, indeed, found her later that evening still studying in the library. He pulled out the chair beside her and plopped into without an ounce of grace.

"What's up, 'Mione?"

She grimaced; the nickname was atrocious and she despised it. The only time she had ever found it tolerable was coming from Severus' drunken lips…

"Just reviewing my notes," she lifted the stack of parchment to show him. "Defense exam tomorrow, remember?"

He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled, "Whoops, guess I forgot."

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. He was so scatterbrained sometimes, it was endearing.

James shifted on the chair uncomfortably, "I actually came because I need your help."

Of course he did. Hermione set her things aside, "Alright, with what?"

He blushed rather spectacularly before he cleared his throat, "Lily."

She was taken aback, for this certainly was not what she had anticipated, but she smiled anyway, "Does this have anything to do with your words?"

He nodded sheepishly, "Does she… are hers…?"

"Yes."

"What do they say?" He whispered, leaning towards her.

"For a long time, it said _Quidditch_."

James let out an involuntary laugh before composing himself again, "And now?"

Hermione's eyes were soft, "It says her name."

His perfect smile was so wide, it was a wonder his lip didn't split with the effort, "That's… Hermione, _thank you_. I can't tell you how much I…"

She waved dismissively, "I know, I know. I'm the best; you wish you could shower me with gifts and praise to show your appreciation."

He laughed so loud and hard at that, Madam Pince came around the stacks and threatened them with detention.

When they were done being thoroughly scolded, James turned back to her, "You'll… you'll talk to her for me, right?"

Merlin have mercy, it was like they were schoolchildren again.

 _Do you like me? Check yes or no_.

It both annoyed and heartened her at the same time.

But he was so earnest as he pleaded with her and his love for her friend was so sincere she couldn't help but nod, even if it was a little reluctantly.

He pulled her into a tight embrace, his voice a little wobbly as he whispered, "Thank you so much, Hermione. She is… she's so… just _thank you_."

Hermione patted his back, even though she was a little uncomfortable with him displaying affection so blatantly after Severus' misunderstanding only a few hours before, "She's my friend too, and I just want you guys to be happy. Of course I'll talk to her."

Neither of them noticed the pair of flashing emerald eyes that watched them from the back of the library.

x-x-x

Hermione expected perhaps another bottle of Firewhiskey and a night of getting pissed to mark her upcoming seventeenth birthday, but Severus took her by surprise once again. They sat in their field together, Severus in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts and Hermione trying not to get heatstroke in her jean shorts and vest, when he tossed her a square velvet box.

She was frozen in shock, "Severus…?"

He wouldn't look at her but she could see he was blushing furiously. For once, his pale skin almost rivaled the bright color of a tomato, "Just open it. Don't be so dramatic."

She licked the remaining ice cream from her fingers, noticing that he was watching her quite studiously from the corner of his eye as she did so, before grabbing the box and slowly lifting the lid. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw what was inside.

A necklace.

An opal and two moonstone necklace.

An opal and two moonstone necklace with a mithril chain that glittered like diamonds in the sunlight.

When she managed to bring herself back to reality and she looked up at him, she saw that Severus was watching her warily.

His voice was quiet, "If you don't like it, I can…"

Hermione launched herself at him, peppering his face with kisses which were punctuated with her breathless words, "I…fucking…love…it…you…moron…"

She was so distracted that she didn't notice her arm burning more insistently.

When she was done assaulting his face, he gave her a sheepish smile and took the necklace from her, motioning for her to turn so he could put it around her neck, "It was my mum's," he admitted softly. "She told me I would know who to give it to."

Hermione gripped the large opal and two moonstone pendant tightly, "Thank you, Severus. I… I…"

He kissed her gently, his lips quirked up slightly in a goofy smile, "Happy birthday, Hermione."

x-x-x

"No. No fucking way. No. Not gonna happen, Hermione. _No_."

Hermione dangled the keys to her father's blue Corvette on her fingers, "Severus Snape, _scared_?" She feigned a dramatic gasp, clutching her chest. "I never thought I'd see the day!"

He scowled at her, crossing his arms across his slender chest, "I am _not_ scared. I just don't trust you with my life in that muggle death contraption!"

"Oh come on," she rolled her eyes. "Where's _your_ sense of fun and adventure?"

His eyes flicked from the keys on the ring to the shiny blue car a few times before he sighed in resignation, "If you kill me, I'm going come back as a ghost and haunt the fuck out of you. You know that, right?"

"Yes!" Hermione pumped her fist into the air in victory and darted to the driver's side of the car, "Come on!"

He climbed into the passenger seat like the car was going to devour him whole. Hermione smirked as he surveyed the inside of the pristine 1973 Corvette with reticence and, yes, fear. She reached across him to grab his seatbelt, brushing his arm with her breasts, and he shivered minutely as she clicked it into place.

She pressed a quick kiss to his sharp cheekbone before starting the car. He visibly jumped as the car roared to life.

Hermione suppressed a very large, very amused grin, "Where to, my good sir?"

He scowled, "How the bloody fuck am I supposed to know?"

"To the coast then?"

His eyes widened like saucers with terror, "Hermione, that's at least… what, a few hours? _More_?"

She chuckled lightly, "Never fear, Severus. I'm just kidding. Dad only gave me permission for a few hours; we don't have enough time for _that_ today."

"Today…? You mean you intend to abscond with me to the coast in this godawful thing at _some point_? Merlin, save me."

Hermione smiled as she hit the gas with her foot and the car took off. She probably should have started slow, to prepare him for the unfamiliar feel of travelling by car, but it really was just too adorable the way his long, slender hands gripped the seat as if it could ground him.

Her heart swelled as the wind whipped their hair around their heads and pressed her necklace into her the dip of her throat.

She was in so deep for him.

There was no denying it anymore.

x-x-x

Immediately upon returning for their sixth year, Hermione knew something was wrong.

Though they were still sharing a dormitory, room assignments could not be changed after all, Lily was not speaking to her.

In fact, she would not even look at her.

How the ruddy hell was she supposed to talk to her about James if she wouldn't speak to her?

For the first few weeks, Hermione tried to ignore the feeling that was building in her chest. There was a constant thrum of anxiety and she didn't know why; she just couldn't put her finger on it. There was something… something gnawing at the back of her mind, screaming at her to _look_ , really _look_ , and she intended to. She intended to quietly observe Lily tonight to determine just what she was missing.

But then she caught sight of the skin of her left forearm, which she had cleared of the glamour in preparation for bed.

And collapsed to the floor at the front of her trunk, tears stinging her eyes.

After years of ' _Lily_ ' being scrawled across her arm in that spiky script, the word had finally, mercifully changed.

Eight beautiful letters stared back at her: _Hermione_.

Severus' heart, his deepest desire, had changed.

How long had that been there? She desperately tried to remember when it had changed. She cast the glamour almost as second nature now, so much so that she didn't even remember the last time she did it consciously. Hermione thought hard, digging at her memory for any type of sign…

Then it hit her.

Her birthday, when he had given her the necklace.

It had changed on her birthday.

Hermione cast a quick _Tempus_ charm to find that it was only 9:00. Curfew wasn't for another hour. If she was quick, maybe she could still catch Severus in the library. She had left him only an hour ago, determined to relax in a hot bath before bed, but all thoughts of that comfort were gone. Only one thought dominated her mind now.

She had to tell him.

Hermione jumped into her shoes and ran down the stairs, through the Common Room and the portrait hole without stopping. She had to find him. She had to tell him. He needed to know.

He needed to know just how much she loved him.

He needed to know that it was okay for them to be together because they were _meant_ to be, they were _destined_ to be.

He needed to know that she wore his words. That she always had.

Hermione pushed past some bumbling Hufflepuffs before she burst into the library a little more dramatically than she'd intended. There was a sharp stitch in her side from running so vigorously and she couldn't help but rest her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. Madam Pince looked like she wanted to scold her but Hermione took off down the stacks, searching through each and every one for the tables at the ends, where she knew he must still be.

Where he _had_ to be.

Her arm tingled and burned a little but she ignored it. What did it matter now? His heart had chosen her and she was so elated, so deliriously happy that nothing could stop her. Nothing could keep her from him anymore.

Hermione turned down the very last row of shelves where she knew there was a final, hidden table that almost no one bothered to use. It was so far away from all relevant study material that even she and Severus did not usually sit there; it was simply too inconvenient. She rounded the corner but halted as she took in the scene before her.

Severus was indeed sitting at the secluded little table… but he wasn't alone.

Lily sat on his right side, indecently close, with her hand resting on his bony shoulder.

Hermione saw red.

She intended to break up this… this… whatever _this_ was, for he was _her_ soulmate and how _dare_ her friend touch _her_ soulmate, but Lily's green eyes flickered to hers.

It all happened very quickly then.

Lily whispered something to him and his ears, which were visible due to his hair being pushed behind them—and since when did he ever do _that_ —went flaming pink. He turned his face towards her, as if to respond, and Lily captured his mouth, his perfect, decadent mouth, in a fierce kiss. Hermione felt as though she had been punched; she couldn't breathe.

Once the kiss had ended, Lily tossed her fiery hair over her shoulder and gave Hermione a smug look.

A smug look of victory.

The comb that Severus had given her for Christmas in their second year was tucked elegantly into the left side of her hair.

Though she didn't want to, Hermione forced herself to look down at her arm. Her name was still there, but it was harder to read now that Lily's name lay directly on top of it.

She had thought, over the years as his best friend, that she had known heartbreak. She thought she had known how it felt; after all, she had watched him moon over the other girl for years. She answered his questions about her and delivered his gifts to her and entertained his fantasies of her. She had been his friend while he had been in love with someone else, all the while with his soulmate words written on _her_ skin—mocking her, taunting her with something she could never have.

But she had thought that was all over.

Her hand came up to his mum's necklace that was almost bouncing against her skin as her breathing rapidly increased. Her vision blurred with tears as she backed away from the secluded corner.

Severus hadn't noticed her there.

Lily was still smirking at her, her hand firmly on his shoulder. As if it belonged there.

Hermione dropped her bag, turned on her heel, and ran.

She had a vague recollection of knocking someone's stack of books over and Madam Pince yelling threats of detentions after her. But it didn't matter. She just knew she had to get away. She had to run. She couldn't stop.

Never, never, never stop.

She had to get away.

Far, far, away.

Hermione burst through the large front doors of Hogwarts and kept sprinting, as fast as she possibly could, desperate to get as far from the castle as she could before someone inevitably stopped her. She didn't stop, she didn't look back. She didn't want to see the golden glow coming from the windows of the library directly above the front doors. She didn't want to think of them together.

It hurt too much. She wasn't meant for this, wasn't strong enough for this.

She couldn't. She couldn't go back to the way things had been: being his sidekick, his buddy, his _friend_ as she was forced to watch him pine after someone else. Someone who far outshined her.

She could not fucking do it. Not after she had finally thought...

Hermione stumbled a little as her feet tried to find purchase on the cobblestones of the main road through Hogsmeade but she didn't stop. As soon as she felt herself break through the wards of Hogwarts, she Apparated with no care if she Splinched herself or not. It didn't fucking matter. Maybe she would get lucky and it would Splinch her left arm.

She appeared before the maroon door of Slug & Jiggers Apothecary and stumbled through the door. The shop owner looked surprised at her violent entry but was clearly trying to maintain his manners and decorum.

"Welcome to Slug & Jiggers Apothecary. How can I help you, my dear?"

Hermione was trembling, tear tracks drying on her cheeks. She didn't want to know if he had chosen Lily anymore. She didn't want those fucking words mocking her anymore. She didn't want to know any of it anymore.

"Do you have anything to dissolve a magical tattoo?"

His eyes narrowed in suspicion, "What kind of magical tattoo?"

She thrust her arm at him and he recoiled.

"Young lady," his voice was harsh. "You cannot dissolve a soulmate tattoo. I am certain you know that already. Why on earth would you ask for such blasphemy?"

She began to cry again, "Please, there must be something you can do. There must be _something_ to get rid of it!"

The old man's face softened at her distress, "I know that love can be painful, my girl. But Fate is often a mysterious one. It's wise not to question her too much. She always comes through in the end, even if there are trials to get there."

Hermione could not stop the sobs wracking from her chest as she left the apothecary. She could see in his eyes that he knew she was a student. She was still in her uniform for Merlin's sake. There was no doubt that he would alert the Headmaster and professors would be swarming the area to retrieve her soon enough.

She had suffered enough humiliations this night to endure that particular one.

With a sharp _CRACK!_ Hermione Apparated back to Hogsmeade and took off for the castle again. She just reached the stone steps leading to the monstrous front doors when she stopped and looked up.

The library.

She didn't want this anymore. The burden of knowledge was finally too much. She loved him, she had since they were just kids, but he kept choosing someone else. They were supposedly destined for each other, they _wore each other's fucking soulmate words_ , and it still wasn't enough.

Hermione couldn't imagine spending the rest of her life knowing that he would always, always choose her friend. That she would never be good enough for the one Fate deemed her destined for.

She couldn't look at those fucking words anymore; they would just keep tearing her apart.

If an apothecary wouldn't provide her a suitable method, then she would simply do it herself.

Hermione took out her wand and slashed in angry arcs across her arm, over and over, until the skin was so bloody and mutilated that she couldn't read what had been there. Even then, she kept going- deeper and deeper into the wound. Those words felt like a parasite. A disease. An abomination. And it needed to be removed before it infected her further.

They were not the blessing she initially thought, but a curse.

She was _cursed_ with his words on her skin.

She cried harder, not with the pain of her wand slashing across the sensitive flesh, but the pain of essentially cutting _him_ out. But she had to. It had to be done.

The doors burst open and Professor McGonagall came rushing down the front steps, halting only when she caught sight of Hermione.

"Sweet Merlin, have mercy," the old witch gasped, coming to snatch her wand from her trembling hands. "Miss Granger, what have you done to yourself?!"

The tears never ceased, not even as her body, her magic, her _soul_ protested the sinful, blasphemous crime she had committed. Her vision swam and she stumbled forward, crying out in pain when her disfigured arm came in contact with her professor's robes.

Professor McGonagall was already lifting her into her arms and carrying her back into the castle but Hermione's vision was growing dim. Her professor's voice was gentle and sad above her, "You cannot remove a soulmate tattoo, Miss Granger. You _know_ that. Why would you do this to yourself when you knew it wouldn't matter?"

"It hurts so much," Hermione whimpered, tears sliding back from her temples into her hair. "I hate them. I never wanted to see them again."

McGonagall's gentle voice broke, "Then glamour them, you silly girl! For Heaven's sake, cover them in any way you see fit other than _that_."

Hermione was surprised that she could not hear any of her peers muttering around her. Had they all gone to bed? How late was it? How long had she been gone?

It didn't matter.

A sense of peace washed over her. She had cut the words out, hadn't she? Yes, she thought. Yes, she must have.

x-x-x

The next time consciousness deemed it appropriate to show up, she was just too tired to open her eyes. Her mouth tasted like dung; they must have dosed her with quite a few different potions for it to taste like that.

She could hear Madam Pomfrey bustling about and muttering in a low, hushed voice with someone else- which upon reply, she identified as Professor McGonagall.

Then, the voice she had been dreading.

"What happened?" He gasped, his breathing harsh as he came bursting into the Hospital Wing. "What the _hell_ …" There was nothing but the sound of footsteps on stone for a moment. "What happened to her arm?"

There was no answer.

Severus voice was filled with fury, " _What happened to her fucking arm_?!"

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat lightly, "She… she attempted to cut out her soulmate tattoo."

His response was like ice, " _Why_?"

Her professor hesitated, "Mr. Snape, I assure you she will be just fine. If you will allow Madam Pomfrey to finish up, you could speak to—"

"Why did she try to cut it out?" He snapped, his words like a whip against her skin. They just made the pain worse. "Did he… did he hurt her?"

There was another uncomfortable silence.

"We are not entirely sure."

She could feel Madam Pomfrey smoothing a potion into her mutilated skin, could feel the wave of her wand as she healed the ragged, torn edges with magic. The mediwitch paused, "I think… I think I can heal it so that it will not even scar. She didn't get too far deep for it to be irreparable."

Hermione wanted to fight. She didn't want her to heal her arm.

She wanted it to scar so that she would never see the words again.

But she was drugged too heavily to even twitch, so on the mediwitch continued.

"Yes," she said slowly as she rubbed something warm and tingly into her arm. "I think… I think I can see the words coming back. Professor, please hand me that cloth in the basin so I can wash the blood away. Don't want to disturb the healing with too much magic, after all."

No. _No_. He would see and then he would know.

He would know her secret. He would _know_.

A few moments later she felt a warm cloth against her skin, followed by another long, uncomfortable silence.

"It would seem…" Professor McGonagall began. "That he is quite indecisive."

She heard Severus shuffle forward before he gasped. His hands clenched her bedsheets, "Oh… sweet Merlin…"

"What is it, Mr. Snape? Do you recognize the handwriting?"

He swallowed so loud she actually heard it. When he spoke again, his voice was… unlike anything she had ever heard from him. The last time she heard anything even close was three summers ago, when he had come running to her house after a particularly nasty beating from his drunken muggle father.

"That's… that's _my_ handwriting," he whispered in horror, his words sounding choked in his throat.

Professor McGonagall sighed, "Try not to be too hard on yourself, Mr. Snape. I assure you, this is not the first time someone has attempted to remove their tattoo. You were not the first to experience… indecision."

A sound, something between a whimper and sob, escaped from his throat, "I didn't know… I _never_ knew she…"

Mercifully, the potions claimed her back into unconsciousness before she could hear any more.


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Who owns Harry Potter? J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter!**

* * *

She hoped against hope, prayed to all the Gods, begged anyone who might be listening, to let her wake up in the Hospital Wing alone.

No such luck.

The moment she opened her eyes, she saw him there- curled up in a rather uncomfortable looking transfigured armchair, fast asleep. He was snoring slightly with his mouth hanging open and little dribble of saliva hanging from the side in true Severus Snape fashion.

She could feel her resolve crumbling again.

Hermione tried to be as quiet as she could but he truly was like some ridiculously sharp-eared predator because the moment she shifted her legs across the sheets to pull on her shoes, his head snapped up.

"Hermione," he breathed in relief, sliding from the chair. He reached for her but she recoiled and he let his hand fall uncertainly. "Hermione…?"

"I can't," she choked, shoving her shoes on as fast as she could. "I can't do this right now. I need to go."

She tried to move around him, to get to the door so she could go and lick her wounds in peace, but he grabbed her arm to stay her, "You can't just leave, Hermione. Not after… after…"

Could she not even have one modicum of dignity? Was she not even allowed that much anymore? Hermione yanked her arm from his grasp, reaching for _anything_ , any semblance of calm she may have left so as to not make a fool of herself _again_. "Why?" She managed, though the tears, the panic, the breakdown were all edging closer and closer to the surface, begging to be let free once more. "What could you possibly expect me to say?"

He sounded wounded and broken, "You… you tried to _cut it out_."

"Of course I did, Severus. What else was I supposed to do?"

He grabbed her shoulder and whipped her around to face him, his eyes alight with fury, "How about fucking _talking_ to me? How about telling me the goddamn _truth_ instead of… instead of…"

"Why?" She asked again. "What possible purpose would that have served, Severus? Tell me, what difference would it have made?"

He spluttered, "I… I had no idea! All these years, you pretended as though you didn't have anyone's words! How was I supposed to know that—"

"That I was hopelessly in love with you?" Hermione snorted. Yes, anger was good. Sarcasm and derision was safe. It didn't hurt as much. "Give me a fucking break. Even blind you could have seen the signs."

"Obviously not!" He shouted, his face reddening. "I just don't get it, Hermione! Why didn't you just show me your arm? Why didn't you just _tell me_?! If you were _so_ hopelessly in love with me—"

"Don't," she snarled. "Don't you fucking dare mock me for this."

Severus rubbed his hand over his face, backpedaling, "Just explain it to me, Hermione. Because I don't even remotely understand what the hell you were thinking."

Her vision blurred and she wiped her eyes with her sleeve in frustration. She didn't want to cry in front of him, she didn't want to appear so _weak_. None of it mattered though; it was far too late. The tears began dripping, one after the other, and she covered her face but they just kept sliding through her fingers. He touched her shoulder but she stumbled backwards, not wanting any comfort from him.

Not now. Not like this.

He held his slender hands up in surrender, "Okay, I'm sorry. I won't… just tell me why, Hermione. Please. I need to understand."

"You've loved her since the day we met her on the train," she cried, her chest tightening under the weight of the admission. "I've had her name on my arm since that day. Why would I tell you when I knew you wanted someone else? Why would I humiliate myself like that?"

For the first time, his face crumpled and his eyes shimmered, "Hermione, had I know we wore each other's words…"

Her hands fell from her face in resignation. Those traitorous tears were still coursing down her cheeks in a steady stream, but she managed to raise her face, to try and hold herself with a least a little dignity, "Don't you see? That is exactly what I _didn't_ want. I didn't want you to want to be with me simply because our tattoos matched. I wanted you to fall in love with me on your own. I wanted you to love me for _me_ , not because magic dictates you must. I wanted to give you a choice."

His cheeks were wet in the moonlight that filtered through the high windows, "You… you wanted me to have a choice? Even though you knew we…"

She couldn't look at him, she couldn't watch his eyes soften with pity for her pain. It was too much. She closed her eyes, "You're my best friend, Severus. I just wanted you to be happy, no matter who it was with. I've always wanted that for you."

His words were thick and rough, "I was a child, Hermione. I was young and impressionable, easily swayed by something new and shiny. You know things have changed now. You've seen the proof on your arm."

The words felt like they were being ripped from her torn, bleeding soul, "Then why did you let her kiss you?"

"I…" Severus hesitated, clearly unsure of what to say, how to justify what she had seen. "I didn't know you were there."

She let out a dark laugh, completely empty of all humor, as she shook her head in disbelief, "So as long as I didn't know, it would have been fine? What kind of fool do you take me for, Severus? Why do you think you can treat me like this?"

"I don't…"

"You've strung me along since I was fourteen. Her name was still firmly etched into my arm but you would give me a little—just enough to keep me hoping that maybe…" She clenched her fists to fight back another round of hysterics. "I never said anything. I never brought it up. I never asked you for anything because… because you're not _obligated_ to love me, Severus. My friendship wasn't offered under the condition that you love me back. When her name… when her name showed up on my arm, I accepted it. I was ready to just be your friend, to listen to you pant after her and deliver your fucking gifts to her. I was okay with that because I would rather have you in my life as my friend than not at all. But you kept… you _keep_ confusing me. Just when I feel like I'm okay again, like I can finally breathe and have finally accepted the way things are…" Hermione wrapped her arms around her middle, as if to hold herself together, to keep herself from physically falling to pieces right there on the floor. "You kiss me. And you give me gifts that belonged to your _mother_. And you get jealous over the idea of anyone's words being on my skin. I'm not a toy, Severus. You can't just take me out to play whenever you're bored with Lily only to throw me away again when she shows you the slightest bit of attention. You can't fucking _do_ that to me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick myself back up again after you do?"

Hermione had never, not once, seen Severus cry. Not in the almost 7 years she'd known him. He didn't cry after his father had beaten him. He didn't cry when he broke his nose falling out of their tree. He never, ever cried.

Except for now.

Now, he was openly weeping, tears sliding steadily down the sharp angles of his face. His entire body was trembling with the force of keeping himself standing and relatively composed but it was clear that a slight breeze would be enough to knock him to his knees.

"I never meant to hurt you like that," he whispered. "I wasn't… I wasn't trying to toy with your emotions Hermione, I _wasn't_. I just… I was afraid to let myself…"

"Stop," she begged, her arms tightening. "Please."

Severus stepped forward, once, twice, three times, until he was only a hairsbreadth away from her, "What was I going to do if one day, some other man's words appeared on you? I knew I would never survive that kind of… I wouldn't have been able to take it, Hermione. I thought I was protecting myself. But every once in a while, you would look at me with those eyes or touch my hands or lay your head against me and I just… I couldn't deny what I wanted in those brief moments. I shouldn't have kissed you if I was even remotely unsure but… Gods damn it all, Hermione. I know I fucked up before, but I fucking love you. I think I always _have_."

That was it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. The few remaining defenses she had wobbly erected shattered like a brilliant explosion of glass and she fell back against the stone, sobs ripping from her throat like someone had died. It was a hollow, mourning sound that ricocheted off the high walls of the Hospital Wing. She didn't even bother trying to cover her face now; let him see what he reduced her to.

"Tell me how to make it better," Severus pleaded, taking her hands and falling to his knees at her feet. "Tell me how to fix it and I'll do it."

Her arm tingled and she sucked in a sharp breath as if someone had stabbed her. Hermione scrabbled backwards in a desperate attempt to escape from him. She reached the door before he could stand and she forced it open with her shoulder, for she was cradling her left arm to her chest as if it were still injured. "I can't do this. I just… I can't."

As if the hounds of Hell were on her heels, Hermione ran.

x-x-x

She didn't stop until she reached her dormitory.

Thank all the Gods it was blissfully empty.

Without removing any of her clothing, even though most of it was bloodstained and positively horrific looking, she collapsed onto her bed in an undignified heap.

But of course, the Gods were not always merciful for long. A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened and Lily came out in her pajamas, toweling her hair dry. She paused when she noticed Hermione in her bed but she didn't say anything until she made it to her own.

"You look like you've had quite a night," she sniffed, her nose firmly in the air. "I thought I was going to have to summon McGonagall to let her know you hadn't returned."

Hermione did not respond.

She scoffed—it was well known that she hated to be ignored—and tossed her hairbrush at at Hermione, "Excuse me, I'm _talking_ to you here. You know just as well as I do that as roommates we are responsible for each other so if you didn't come back I would have gotten in trouble, too. Want to tell me where the hell you were?"

"Hospital Wing."

Lily hesitated for a second before snorting again, "Right. And pray tell, _why_ were you in the Hospital Wing so late?"

Her voice sounded dead, "Tried to cut out my soulmate tattoo."

Her roommate gasped, "You _didn't_."

She did not answer.

Lily moved to where Hermione was laying and forcibly pushed her heavy curls out of her face, "Hermione, what the fuck were you thinking? Do you have any idea—"

"You knew how I felt about him," she whispered, curling into a ball and wrapping her arms around her knees. "You knew. You've known for years. You were my _friend_ , I _trusted_ you, and you… you manipulated him to hurt me."

The other girl seemed contemplative for a moment, "And what exactly would you call what I saw you doing with James in the library last year? Don't try and act all innocent now, Hermione. Not after I saw—"

"He asked about your words, and I told him the truth. So he asked me to talk to you for him."

Lily looked as if she'd been slapped, "But… but I saw him _hug_ you!"

Her voice was even smaller now, "Just thanking me for helping him talk to you. He was too nervous to do it alone. He thought I would be a good go-between."

Her emerald eyes were wide and panicked, "But you never said anything! You never… you never told me!"

Hermione tried to burrow further into her mattress, "Hadn't had the chance yet. OWLs kept me too busy last year… slipped my mind."

Lily's mouth was in a little 'o' of horror, "Hermione, I… I am so sorry. I didn't know! I thought… I thought you were trying to move in on James and I just… I panicked!"

"So you kissed him. Purposefully while I watched. While wearing the gift he bought for you, that I was forced to deliver, 4 years ago. All while you knew that I was in love with him and that he had feelings for you."

Lily looked like she was going to vomit but she didn't deny it.

"Please," Hermione pulled the heavy coverlet over herself. "Just leave me alone. I have nothing else to say to you."

It took a very long time for Lily to finally leave her spot on the floor beside Hermione's bed, but eventually she went to her own and crawled into it.

Sleep never came for either of them.

x-x-x

As the school year continued, Severus tried to talk to her.

She had nothing to say.

Not yet.

So she went to her classes and meals, did her assignments and essays, but never went to the library. No, she couldn't. It was still too raw, the edges still too painful to touch.

She didn't bother with the glamour charm anymore. What was the point? Everyone knew now anyway. The tale of Hermione Granger carving her arm to bleeding shreds on the front steps of the school had spread to all four Houses before breakfast the day after it happened. She didn't care that many of them looked at her with pity now. She was, as McGonagall had said, not the only one who had tried to remove their tattoo. There had been five others, she discovered, and they had all turned out fine after the fact. Even if a few of them did not end up with their soulmates.

James, Sirius, Remus and even Peter had tried to talk to her about what happened, to ask why she had felt such a drastic action had been necessary against something that was universally revered to be a blessing upon the magical world. But she never answered them. She didn't see the point. What purpose would it serve for James, someone who was her friend, to know about what Lily had done? Why ruin their chance before they even started? She didn't do it to protect Lily, no she did it to keep James happy. He was a kind, caring, sincere person and his magic deemed Lily worthy of him, so Hermione would leave it alone.

After all, hurting Lily would not make her pain go away.

Severus and Hermione went back to Cokeworth for the Christmas hols as they always did, but things were strained. She still did not speak to him, not even when they were the only two in the train compartment on the way to London. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't dare look at him. That would only serve to break her.

She knew what he wanted, what he _needed_. It was written on her forearm in his perfect, elegantly spiky scrawl. She had known since the night she left the Hospital Wing.

 _Forgiveness_.

The two overlapping names has disappeared that night, leaving the one, lone word it their wake. Hermione saw it. She saw it every day.

But she just couldn't yet.

She had put up with so much, let her heart be battered over and over by his carelessness over the last six years and she just needed time to heal. She needed time to think it all through, to make a real, decision; not one based on soulmate magic.

When they were around her parents, Hermione smiled and laughed and did all the things she knew were expected of her. She still gave Severus the gold-inlaid potions journal she had gotten for him all those months ago. She still sat next to him on the floor as they and her parents watched old Christmas movies. She still let him hold her hand under the blanket as the stupid, sappy movies played in front of them.

But she wasn't present, not really. And Severus knew it, she could tell by the desperation she saw in his eyes when he looked at her.

x-x-x

They returned to school after the holiday and things continued as they had before they left. She did the things that were expected of her but she did not speak to him.

It didn't seem to matter, though. Severus was always right there, whether she wanted him to be or not. He waited for in the Entrance Hall before and after meals, walked her to all her classes, escorted her back to Gryffindor tower each evening no matter how close to curfew. He never tried to touch her, not since that night in the Hospital Wing. He was clearly waiting for permission. He was waiting for her forgiveness.

She knew he was trying to prove himself to her, to prove that he would never make the same mistakes again. That he had made his choice, the choice that she allowed him to have by remaining silent for seven years. Part of her appreciated what he was doing, the other part just wanted him to go away until she could sort herself out.

But he didn't.

So, on they continued.

x-x-x

The summer before their final year was upon them.

Hermione sat, cross-legged, in their field by the river as she picked aimlessly at the grass. She hadn't seen Severus in a few days, which would usually send her into a panic as it only happened very rarely, but with how strained things had been between them, she was not surprised that he needed some time to himself.

She understood _that_ all too clearly.

A warm breeze swept across the field and ruffled her glossy chocolate curls, wringing a deep, long sigh from her. Somehow, with that simple exhalation of air in this sacred place, the place where it all began, Hermione felt lighter. Like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Colors seemed sharper and her ears didn't feel quite as muffled as they had for the past few months. She could feel her muscles relaxing and before she knew it, she was sprawled across the grass under their favorite tree with her arms languidly behind her head. She'd fallen asleep and had been dozing rather comfortably with only her bare legs being assaulted by the sun when she heard a rustling in the distance.

Hermione pushed herself up to rest on her elbows and she saw him.

When was the last time she'd really _looked_ at Severus?

He was eighteen and so _tall_ now, easily surpassing six feet. He still wore his glossy obsidian hair long, to his shoulders in fact, but it suited his angular face better now. With the assistance of puberty, he had gone from lanky and scrawny to lithe and slender. He was still thin, all sharp angles and rough, pointy edges, but there were muscles bunching under his milky, pearlescent skin. His deep set eyes were an even darker, deeper onyx than she remembered and they bored into her from across the field. Each stride, even in his silly looking muggle basketball shorts and tight black t-shirt, was graceful and smooth.

He was…

He was…

He was right in front of her, looming over her like some dark avenging angel. It wasn't until he really looked at her—into her wide cinnamon eyes—that his face softened and fell to his knees, scooping her into his long, slender arms.

"You're back," Severus crooned, his face burrowed into the curve of her shoulder. "You came back to me."

She clawed at his back as if she could bring him closer, as if they could share one body, "I missed you so much, Severus."

His lips met the sensitive skin of her neck, "I was always there, every single day. I know you didn't want me to be but I… I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. Never again. Please, please forgive me Hermione. Please tell me you still want me."

Hermione pulled back so she could see his face and she searched his eyes, "Is it… selfish of me to have wanted to be the only one to ever kiss you?"

Severus' eyes slipped closed and his expression tightened, "I didn't know she was going to, Hermione. I had no idea. I swear to you, on my life, I didn't know. I would never have let her, not then. Not when I already knew how I felt about you. I would _never_ betray you like that."

She shoved him to the ground suddenly and the confusion was evident in his face, "Hermione, what—"

She simultaneously yanked the hem up his black shirt up and the waistband of his shorts down a little. He blushed furiously as she ran the pad of her index finger across the thin skin of his right hip, "Did your words ever change?"

"No," he admitted softly. "I checked them every day and they never… not once."

Hermione didn't stop rubbing her tiny handwriting, "When we were little, I asked you about the words. I asked because mine showed up the moment I met you. But you… you didn't believe in them at all. I thought… I thought I wore yours but you didn't wear mine. I thought mine were a mistake."

His large hand covered hers, fingers entwining, "I have no doubt they were there since I met you. I just… you know how I feel about mirrors, even now. I didn't exactly do a thorough inspection every day, you know."

She looked up and the almost comical grimace on his face forced her into peals of laughter that brought tears to her eyes. She laughed and laughed until he was laughing with her and then, when the laughing turned to crying, he simply held her close and kissed each and every tear from her cheeks, murmuring soft apologies and comforting nonsense until she quieted again.

"Severus?" Her voice was slightly muffled from being buried so thoroughly in his chest, but she made no effort to move.

"Hmm?"

"I…" She gripped his shirt in her fist. "I love you."

Her arm burned, almost searing in its intensity, and she watched as the word _Forgiveness_ bled into _Hermione, forever_.

He lifted her chin with his fingers and he trapped her with his gaze, hard onyx and warm cinnamon, as he spoke, "I have been… blind for so many years. I've wasted so much time," he traced the features of her face with feather light touches and she shivered. "But you gave me a choice and… I promise Hermione, you will _never_ regret it. Not for the rest of our lives. Not after. Never."

If there had been any part of her that was still hurt, still in need of healing, his words were like balm that soothed her soul. For the last seven years of her life, Hermione had dreamed of this. She had fantasized over and over about what it would be like, what it would _really_ be like, if he were to choose her. Not because they were soulmates, not because they had matching tattoos, not because their magic dictated it, but because _he_ wanted her. Because _he_ loved her.

Now, she knew.

It was right there in his eyes.

Whatever happened in the past, whatever he felt for Lily or whatever confusion he had suffered, it was gone now. All that was left was the fact that he loved her in return.

Her heart did curious little flips in her chest.

She realized then, that he was still talking. What was he saying? Merlin help her, it didn't matter. He had given her what she needed; he didn't have to convince her that she made the right choice.

"…and, Hermione, I want you to know that—"

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and kiss me before I punch you."

After gracing her with the most brilliant, blinding smile she had ever seen him wear, he obliged.


	6. Epilogue I

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, guy. Come on- you know that.**

* * *

 _Epilogue I_

 _Hogwarts Graduation, 1 year later..._

Hermione watched, her chest swollen with pride, as her best friend walked across the stage and was handed his diploma by the Headmaster. He continued down the line, shaking hands with the rest of the professors who taught them throughout their time at Hogwarts. He caught her eye as he descended the steps of the dais at the front of the Great Hall and gave her a discrete, mischievous little wink.

She groaned internally. Those winks were _never_ good.

Or rather, never good in a public setting.

Unless one was keen on voyeurism, that is.

Hermione felt her body thrumming with anticipation as the final speeches were made and they wished them well on their paths in life. Would he want to try an abandoned classroom one last time? Or perhaps the Prefects bath they had become so fond of? Or maybe, if he was feeling especially randy, the Potions classroom desks like that one time after New Year's?

She bit her lip to keep herself from groaning.

When they were finally allowed to leave, Hermione said her cursory goodbyes to those she still considered her friends—James and the Marauders, yes. Lily, no. She had never quite found it within herself to forgive the scheming cow, er, _girl_ for what she had done.

She may not be harboring any lingering anger over the incident, but that did not mean she was ready or willing to forgive her for it. Not so much for herself, though, as for Severus. He was a good man; he didn't deserve the way she had manipulated him just to hurt Hermione and if there was one thing everyone knew about Hermione, it was how protective she was of her best friend.

Correction, her _boyfriend_.

Long, slender arms coiled around her waist and she could feel his warm breath on the nape of her neck. Now she could see why he'd suggested she put her hair up.

Cheeky wizard.

"Well hello there," she breathed, her body melting against his. As always, they were a perfect fit, like two pieces of a puzzle. "If you plan to ravish me, I'm afraid you've got to hurry. I'm expecting my boyfriend any moment."

He chuckled into her ear sending delicious shivers down her spine, "Boyfriend, you say?" His teeth nipped at her earlobe. "I was under the impression that he was of a more permanent sort, a soulmate perhaps?"

She swatted his arms that held her firmly, "Severus Snape, if you don't stop this instant everyone in this room is going to get a rather spectacular show right here on the floor."

"On the floor?" He purred in that lovely, caramel voice. "Well, if I remember correctly you _are_ rather fond of bruises on your backside…"

"Alright you two, break it up!" Hermione's father broke through the throng of people with her mum close in tow. "Christ, can't you two even wait until the ceremony is over?"

"Richard," Hermione's mother admonished. "Leave them alone. Or should I remind you of what _we_ were like when we—"

Hermione and Severus both blanched.

"Alright Jean, alright. You've made your point," he pulled them both into a tight hug, his voice full of emotion. "I am so proud of you two."

Hermione's mum put her arms around them as well, effectively smothering them even further, "Yes, you two have done so well. Both of you at the top of the class! We are so, so proud."

Severus' parents had not come, not that either of them had expected them to, so she knew just how much it meant for him to be included with her family. His shoulders were shaking slightly as he held onto Hermione's dad. Richard patted the younger boy's back affectionately, his face soft, "Now isn't a time to be upset, Severus. You've done so well and we are so thrilled for you to become a part of the family."

Hermione furrowed her brow. What?

"Not that you weren't already!" Jean added quickly, rubbing Severus' shoulders. "But it will be lovely for it to be done properly after all this time."

Before she could ask what the ruddy hell everyone was talking about, her parents turned to her—giving Severus a few moments to compose himself—and her mum just smiled and brushed a stray curl aside, "We'll meet you two at home for dinner."

"See you both tonight, princess," Richard added, kissing her softly on the cheek before they both turned and disappeared into the crowd with the rest of the parents.

Hermione turned back to ask Severus what on earth was going on but he was already tugging her out of the Great Hall by her hand. Once they were outside the large front doors, he laced his fingers with hers and cupped her face, "We're finally done."

She couldn't help but smile up at him, "Indeed, we are."

He let his hand fall from her face to dig for something in the pocket of his expensive tailored trousers. A moment later he was shoving a small, indigo box into her palm and looking away, a brilliant blush firmly staining his cheeks.

"Severus…"

"Just… just open it," he whispered. "Don't be such a _girl_."

She wanted to laugh, he really was adorable when he was nervous, but she knew him well and laughing now would only spoil whatever it was he was trying to do. Hermione nibbled her lip as she opened the box to find that there were not one but two items inside of it.

A ring and a key.

Hermione looked up at him questioningly.

"I know… I know that I've fucked up a lot over the past couple of years. I know that I…" He winced a little. "I hurt you, even though I never meant to. You gave me a choice, even when you knew that it was possible I would choose wrong. And throughout everything, you stayed by my side anyway. You never wavered. You always knew what you wanted."

She was speechless and her vision swam with tears.

"I finally know, without a shadow of a doubt, all the things that _I_ want," he took the box from her and picked out the lovely princess cut diamond, which was flanked by two scorching fire rubies of the same, albeit smaller, cut on either side. "I want _you_ , I want _us_ , every day, for the rest of my life. If… if you'll have me, that is."

She stared up at him for a disproportionately long time, gaping rather inelegantly like a fish out of water.

His deep, obsidian eyes were uncertain now, "…Hermione?"

And because they still were who they were, Hermione launched herself into his arms and peppered his face from hairline to jawline with kisses—something that had quickly become her favorite.

There was a deep rumble of laughter in his chest, "Is that a yes?"

As always, her words were punctuated by kisses and breathless chuckles, "Of… course… it… is… you… moron… I… fucking… love… you…"

He turned his head and captured her mouth in a searing kiss that consumed her like wildfire. She could feel his hunger, his need burning just below the surface and it bled from his mouth into hers.

"Mine," he growled into her mouth, unrelenting. "All _mine_."

"Mmmm…" She groaned, pressing herself against him. "Severus?"

"What?" He snarled, his teeth clacking against hers.

"What's they key for?"

Severus stopped, uncertain once again, "I… may have bought us a house."

Her eyebrow lifted, "You may have or you did?"

"I did."

She waited.

He blushed again, "We'll both be starting our apprenticeships soon and I just… well, we'll be busy for the next few years and I wanted us to have a place where we could be together. I wanted us to have… a home."

Suddenly, his wink before the end of the ceremony made sense. Hermione ran her hand down the front of his exquisitely tailored jacket and waist coat, "And tell me, my future Potions Master, where _is_ our new home?"

He gave her that crooked smile that never failed to make her knees weak, "Well, my future Arithmancy… mistress?" He shook his head, chuckling. "It's a few miles away from your parents, but still in Cokeworth. I do know how much you enjoy it there."

She slid her hand below the waist of his trousers, grinding her palm into the placket. He stiffened, literally _and_ figuratively, "And do we have time to… make a quick visit before dinner?"

His breathing was harsh in her ear as he gripped her arse, "As you wish, _wife_."

With a sharp _CRACK!_ , they Apparated back to Cokeworth to properly… assess their new home.

Neither of their words ever shifted again.


	7. Epilogue II

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: JKR is the only owner of Harry Potter. The rest of us only wish.**

 *****You guys wanted more of what happened with James & Lily. Here you go. :D*****

* * *

 _Epilogue II_

 _1979 – 1 year later..._

"Stag night," Hermione said flatly. "You're inviting me to your stag-night."

"Yep!"

There was a long moment of silence as Hermione grit her teeth in a rather poor attempt not to reach into the Floo and smack him for being such an idiot.

"…James?" She managed, pinching the bridge of her of nose in annoyance.

"Yeah?"

"Has it occurred to you that I'm not a man? And that stag-nights are generally reserved for men and their male friends?"

He chuckled good-naturedly, messy hair bouncing in the fire, "Of course you aren't, 'Mione. Like anyone could look at you and make _that_ mistake."

Severus snarled from the kitchen and Hermione rolled her eyes, though her stomach clenched deliciously at his possessiveness, "Then what exactly am I missing here?"

James adjusted his glasses in the emerald flames, "Lily has some weird hang-up about the whole stag-night/hen-do thing. Something about trouble trusting people or something, I don't know. So we're just going to combine them into one and all go out together. And Severus would be more than welcome to join as well if he—"

"I'd rather saw my own bollocks off with a dull potions knife and then eat them, thank you very much," her boyfriend commented blandly as he came to sit on the plush sofa behind her.

Hermione whacked his kneecap with the back of her hand, "Ignore him, James. While it was very kind of you to offer, stag-nights aren't really his thing."

"Apparently not, but it never hurts to ask," her friend ran a hand through his wild locks. "But you'll come, 'Mione?"

She chewed her lip, eyes flickering back to Severus who simply returned a blank, unreadable expression, "I don't know, James. Maybe if it was just the guys, but…"

"She's sorry as hell, 'Mione- for whatever it is she did that caused you guys to fall out back in school. She just misses you and I really think this would be a good opportunity for you guys to—"

Hermione was already shoving back the lunging, sneering Severus onto the couch and silencing him with a quick wave of her hand, "And I appreciate the concern, but I just don't think I'm ready to—"

"Then don't do it for her; come out for _me_. Come out and celebrate the fact that I'm actually getting married, even though you promised to talk to her for me and _never_ _did_."

Shit. He had her there.

Gods damn it all.

"Fine," she sighed. "Where and when?"

Her friend's smile was dazzling, "Saturday at 8. We're all meeting at Leather & Lace at the corner of Diagon and Knockturn Alley."

Hermione's eyes widened in horror, "But that's a _strip club_! A _seedy_ strip club where- in case you've forgotten- more than one person has already contracted Spattergroit!"

James' reply was short a quick, "Great, see you there! You're the best, 'Mione- bye!"

The flames immediately died down and when Hermione tried to call him back only seconds later, the connection was already blocked. Fucking prat.

Hermione was, admittedly, a little stunned, "…What just happened?"

Severus, no longer under her hasty _Silencio_ , was less than sympathetic, "That is what you get for letting Potter and his goonies strong-arm you all the time."

She recognized that tone, oh yes – how could she miss the acid-dripping sneer that her best friend had perfected over the years? He didn't often direct it at her, usually only when James or the other Marauders were involved in some way, but when he did…

Gods, she didn't want to fight about this tonight. Not again.

"Severus, please don't start," Hermione sighed, sagging back against the couch between his long legs. She tipped her head back to see him glaring down at her. "I hardly see any of them anymore with how busy we are with our apprenticeships. And I _did_ promise him I would talk to her for him back then—"

"Before she nearly caused me to lose you and you to lose your tattoo. Yes, how could I forget?"

Hermione's eyes slipped closed as she pushed back the painful memories. Gods, was it really too much to ask that he never mention that time ever again? Every time the image of Lily kissing him crossed her mind, the wound felt like it was being reopened over and over again only infinitely more excruciating. For Merlin's sake, she still had nightmares about it – though she never told him that. But then again, knowing Severus, he probably already knew anyway.

When she opened her eyes again, his expression was much gentler and he cupped her face to stroke her cheek with his thumb. "Forgive me, love," Severus murmured softly. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Why not?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

He leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead, "Because I know it still hurts, even if you say it doesn't. And I will never stop being sorry for putting you through that. Sometimes I still forget to act like a decent human being. I'm sorry."

Hermione smiled a little, kissing the tip of his aquiline nose in return, "Good thing I have somewhere around eight years of practice putting up with you then, isn't it?"

"Indeed, it is. Merlin knows how you'd manage otherwise."

They remained like that for a few minutes- Severus bent over with his arms around her chest and Hermione's hands lightly stroking the skin of his bared forearms- staring at the empty Floo in thought. It wasn't until the clock above the mantle chimed 9:00 that they were broken from their daze.

"I really have to go to this atrocity, don't I?" Hermione sighed in defeat. "I really have to get dressed up to go to a disgusting strip club where the drinks will be overpriced and the company will be lucky not to get punched in the face."

His chuckle was husky and dark as his large hands slid down the front of her Slytherin-green jumper to cup her breasts, "Mmmm… it would seem so. Silly Gryffindors and their sense of honor – it really is quite the shame. I have Saturday off and you _could_ be spending it here with me, in bed, instead of with the merry band of idiots and their skewed sense of fun."

Hermione's breath caught as his hands slid lower to undo the button of her jeans, "Maybe I could suddenly come down with a nasty case of the f-flu," she stammered when his fingers danced past the edge of her knickers. "V-very contagious. Unable to have c-company – _nggghh, Gods_."

Severus caught one of her lobes between his teeth and tugged gently, wringing a groan from the back of her throat, "While I do find the idea of Hermione Granger shirking her responsibilities for sex to be unbelievably arousing, I think we both know that you wouldn't actually go through with it. Don't we?"

The synapses in her brain were firing rapidly as he played her body like a fine-tuned instrument. Her breathing quickened as he continued to bring her closer and closer to the edge. Hermione arched her back and gripped his wrist, holding him exactly where she wanted when he suddenly stilled his fingers.

Her eyes snapped open to see that, though his own cheeks were flushed, one black brow was raised in question.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Hermione panted, grip around his wrist tightening. "And why the bloody hell did you stop?"

Severus used his free hand to grab her chin none-too gently, "I believe I asked you a question, Miss Granger. And when I ask a question, I would like it answered."

Her stomach clenched as her knickers were immediately flooded with arousal. So, it was to be one of _those_ night, was it? Thank all the Gods and every deity in between because dominant Severus, while rare, was her absolute favorite. She let her fingers fall away from his wrist and arched into him further, "My deepest apologies, _sir_. However can I make it up to you?"

Those bottomless onyx eyes glittered with smug satisfaction – he did love when she played along. He lifted his wand lazily and lit a crackling fire in the Floo, "You can remove your clothes and climb up on the desk."

Forming coherent thoughts was difficult but she somehow managed, "A-and then, sir?"

His grin was predatory, "Then I would like to watch you touch yourself… while I give you thorough instructions, of course."

Hermione never undressed so fast in all her life and Severus never looked away.

x-x-x

On Saturday night, Hermione surveyed herself in the tall mirror with extreme displeasure. She certainly wasn't a prude by any means- almost every stable (and occasionally unstable) surface in their house could attest to that- but she just felt… wrong. The shimmery jade dress was far too short, the spiky black heels far too high, and the clips pulling back her curls from her face yanked uncomfortably every time she moved her head. She didn't even _want_ to think about how much makeup there was on her face. Merlin have mercy, she looked like a completely different person!

Severus appeared in the doorway of their bedroom and leaned against the frame with his arms crossed as his dark gaze traveled all the way down and then back up again. When their eyes met in the mirror, he already had one sardonic brow raised.

"Don't. Say. Anything," Hermione hissed, tugging at the hem of her dress in frustration.

"Wasn't going to," he said with too-innocent eyes. "Just one question though- what time does your shift start? I'd like to be there the first time my girlfriend gets up on the pole."

She groaned, slumping onto the bed, "I know, I know- it's awful. You cannot possibly imagine how much I hate this."

Severus came to sit beside her, "Then why wear it? Don't get me wrong, the color is perfect and you do look… what's the word? Ah yes; utterly _fuckable_ , but I was under the impression you weren't searching for a replacement—"

"Ha bloody ha," Hermione punched his shoulder, satisfied when he winced a little. "Sirius' girlfriend, Marlene McKinnon, is working on her Arithmancy apprenticeship as well and she recently began studying under the same Master as me. We started talking at lunch the other day and she asked if I was going to the stag/hen night and when I said I was, she wanted to know what I planned to wear. Gods, you should have seen the look on her face when I told her I just planned to wear my normal clothes. You'd think I sprouted a second head."

"Ah, so she suggested the napkin-dress?"

"And the shoes I'm bound to break my neck in and the makeup that makes me look like an overpainted, underpaid clown. Yeah, all of this is her doing. She hates me, right? She's just doing this to make me look an idiot in front of Lily, isn't she?"

"I highly doubt it," Severus' eyes softened at the frustrated tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, "Here. Let me see if I can help." With a few waves of his wand, the hem of Hermione's dress had lengthened to just above her knees, her heels had lowered and become less spiky, and the makeup had been entirely removed other than the thick black eyeliner and mascara. "Better?"

She moved to assess herself in the mirror again, this time infinitely happier with the results, "Much. Thank you, darling."

Severus grimaced as Hermione planted a kiss on his sharp cheek and grabbed her bag from the nighttable, "Darling? _Really_? That's the endearment you're going with today?"

"Hey, I'm going to have to give myself alcohol poisoning just to get through this night," Hermione held up the two bottles of crimson Sober-Up potion she had swiped from the bathroom cabinet before shoving them into her purse. "You can deal with it. Or should I call you my Sevvie—"

His hand was planted firmly over her mouth before she could finish, "Point taken." He slid his fingers around to hold the back of her neck and kissed her gently. "Have fun and be safe, _dear_. Send a patronus if you need me to come get you and try not to poison yourself or anyone else, tempting as that may be."

She managed a smile against his lips, "I'll do my best. Please leave the hallway light on for me just in case."

"Of course. Now go, before Potter appears on our doorstep to Side-Along and I'm forced to remove each and every finger that attempts to touch you."

Hermione was still chuckling as she turned on her heel and Apparated to Diagon Alley.

x-x-x

The strip club, Leather & Lace, was exactly as gross and seedy as Hermione imagined it would be. No bouncer, no one checking wands. The black leather and white lace clad dancers looked like Veelas fresh out of Beauxbatons and the myriad of questionable wizards already seated in front of the stage were whooping and hollering like classless animals. Thankfully, Marlene was waiting for her just inside the club so she wouldn't be forced to try and find their group on her own.

"Hey, 'Mione!" Marlene called, her sparkling-white smile tinged red under the ghastly entrance sign. She pulled her into a short embrace. "So glad you made it! I know James and the guys will be thrilled to see you, too."

"It will be nice to see them all again; it's been way too long," she agreed.

Neither of them mentioned Lily.

"We're sitting right over there," Marlene motioned towards the very back of the club, furthest away from the stage. "Want something to drink?"

"Absolutely. Shots of _anything_ , please. As many as we can order at one time."

"'Mione…"

"Shots," Hermione repeated, already moving towards the packed table her friend had pointed to. "I'll meet you over there?"

Marlene looked slightly unsure but nodded anyway, "Sure. I'll just put the shots on our group tab."

"Great. Thanks."

She fidgeted in the entrance-way for a few more minutes after Marlene had gone to the bar. Her heart was racing, her palms damp and trembling. The last time she had spoken to Lily had been right after…

No. _No_. Hermione took a few calming breaths; it was over, done, in the past. The tattoo on her arm hadn't budged in a long time and Severus was at home- their home- waiting for her. There was no competition anymore. Everyone was happy with what they had and spending a few hours in the other woman's presence wouldn't change that. Besides, she was here to support James and after letting him down in school, it really was the least she could do for him.

With that, she squared her shoulders and made her way to the large round booth in the back of the room with what she hoped was an expression of excitement.

Lily's eyes found her first, all the way across the club, and Hermione felt like she was back in Hogwarts witnessing everything crumble before her eyes for a second time. It was like she'd been punched in the stomach all over again.

Shit.

x-x-x

Hermione had chosen a seat across from Lily so she would not have to sit next to her, but the music was so loud she didn't really have to worry about the other girl trying to strike up conversation anyway. Besides, only an hour in and they were all already completely and totally pissed out of their minds.

Hermione had lost count of the number of shots she'd taken somewhere around ten or eleven but that was okay; they had an amazing mostly-naked waitress that kept the alcohol coming even after Peter ended up passing out and Sirius vomited behind the booth. Once Sirius had downed a Sober-Up and then taken four more shots, he slammed his palms down on the table- spilling some of their drinks in the process.

"We should play a game!" He shouted drunkenly over the bass-heavy muggle music. "A game to reveal our deepest secrets!"

James rolled his glassy eyes even though he was smirking, "What kinda game?"

Sirius slung an arm around Marlene's shoulders, "Never Have I Ever!"

The entire group, including Hermione, groaned.

Marlene shoved him away with annoyance, "Why? So you can brag about how many girls you slept with at Hogwarts? We all know it was—"

"Thirty-Seven and a half," the group said in monotone unison.

"No, Sirius is right," Lily cut in as she threw back another shot and teetered on the edge of the booth. "Could be fun!"

"Fine, fine," James hiccupped a little. "Everyone grab your shot glasses."

They did.

"Okay, I'll go first," James started. "Never have I ever had sex somewhere in Hogwarts."

Every single person at the table, except for the passed-out Peter, drank. Sirius nearly spit out his drink as shy, blushing Remus discreetly took his shot. "Even _you_ , Remus? But—"

James cut in, "Hufflepuff seventh year, two months before graduation. Broom closet on the third floor on a Wednesday night."

Remus blushed even darker and ducked his head a little as the table whooped and slapped him on the back, "Thanks for the detailed recap, James."

"Myyyyy tuuuuurn!" Marlene sang completely out of key. "Never have I ever had the hots for a teacher."

Sirius, James, and Remus all took shots.

"I knew it!" Hermione shoved James with her elbow playfully. "I knew you all were panting after the pretty Astronomy teacher!"

Sirius eyes glazed over as he reminisced, "Such a nice arse. So perfect, like a peach in summer."

"There's a reason they all failed. Twice," Lily snorted and both Marlene and Hermione broke into laughter.

Drunk as she was, Hermione didn't fail to notice how Lily's expression brightened just a little when she laughed at her comment. And for once, that actually felt okay- like she was actually starting to heal. Maybe they _could_ be friends again someday. Maybe… maybe that would be nice.

"Alright, settle down. My turn," Sirius thought for a moment before a wicked grin spread across his lips and he turned his sharp eyes to Marlene. "Okay Miss Perfect: never have I ever kissed someone other than my soulmate."

Hermione's palms began to tremble again. They were too drunk for this, they were too drunk to know what they were revealing. This was a bad idea. They never should have—

Remus took a shot. Sirius took three or four for the hell of it. Marlene took a shot.

And, far too drunk to care, Lily took a shot.

James' eyes widened as his fiancée swallowed her alcohol without a care in the world. Sirius was frozen in place with a shot glass halfway to his parted lips. Marlene had a hand over her mouth. Remus was already looking toward James.

Hermione wanted to run.

"Who was it?" James demanded, all playfulness gone from his expression now as he glared at her. "You told me there had never been anyone else. _Who was it_?"

There was panic in Lily's lovely green eyes now as the severity of what she just revealed hit her. The entire table was silent as they stared at her, waiting.

"I… I…" Lily stammered, too drunk to think of a lie. "It didn't mean… I didn't want…"

Hermione's hands balled into fists.

James' eyes were cold as he repeated his question, " _Who was it_?"

For a brief second, her eyes flickered over to Hermione's and with that, she knew. They could never be friends again because of the type of person she was deep down.

"Snape kissed me in sixth year," Lily blurted in haste. "He caught me in the library when no one else was around. It was awful! I didn't want to say anything because of how disgusting he—"

Both Hermione and James lurched to their feet, but James was just a bit too drunk and he didn't even get a single word out to Hermione before she punched Lily square in the mouth.

"'Mione!" Marlene gasped, pulling her back before she could hit Lily again.

"Tell the truth!" Hermione snarled as she tried to yank her arms away from Marlene and now Sirius. "Tell him what you did! Tell him _why_!"

"I didn't!" She cried to her fiancé. "It wasn't like that!"

"Wait…" Remus cut in, his eyes moving to Hermione's tattoo. "Is that why you tried to cut it out? Because Severus—"

"Let me go," Hermione growled, snatching her bag from the plush leather seat when they dropped her arms. "I'm done with this."

"'Mione, wait!" Marlene called as she stormed- or stumbled, rather- towards the exit, Sober-Ups already in hand. Once outside, Hermione uncorked them with her teeth, downed them both, and Disapparated before anyone could catch her, possibility of splinching be damned.

It hurt for her to realize that some people truly never change.

x-x-x

Hermione managed to reappear in the kitchen without missing any fingers or limbs, which was actually quite surprising considering the state she was in. She shoved her bag onto the counter and slumped forward, palms over her face.

"Well you smell like a brewery and are absolutely covered in glitter, even if it is a bit early. Good time I take it?" Severus drawled from the doorway to the living room. When she didn't move or answer at all, he came to put his hand on her back. "Hermione? Are you alright? Do you feel sick?"

She turned to look up at him and whatever he saw in her face immediately set his teeth on edge and his eyes on fire. He took her face in his hands, "What did she say?"

There were no words. Well, there were, but she couldn't manage to find them. Hermione just took one of his hands and silently pulled him behind her up the stairs and into their bedroom. Once inside, she gently shut the door and put her palms against his chest.

"Hermione, talk to me."

Lily's words bounced around inside her mind like a muggle pinball machine.

 _I didn't want to say anything because of how disgusting he…_

 _Because of how disgusting he…_

 _How disgusting…_

 _Disgusting…_

Her fingers fisted in his shirt.

"Darling?" Severus inquired overly gently. "Would you care to explain the blood on your knuckles before I kill someone?"

"I punched Lily in the face," she admitted quietly, eyes never leaving the buttons on his shirt. "The blood is hers."

"Not that I'm particularly upset, but why did you punch her?"

 _I didn't want to say anything because of how disgusting he…_

 _Because of how disgusting he…_

 _How disgusting…_

 _Disgusting…_

Hermione looked up at her best friend, at the man who held her heart since she was eleven years old. How was is that no one else could see what she saw? Were they all blind? Or just willfully ignorant? She traced her fingertips over the features of his face, feather-light, as if for the first time. Severus had a heavy brow that was arched and elegant, set above sparkling onyx eyes it was easy to drown in. His face was thin and sharp, but it suited his long, glossy black hair and aquiline nose. And his mouth… Merlin, his mouth. Lush and pink, petal soft yet razor-sharp- the absolute _picture_ of decadence. Her fingers ended up against his lips and he kissed them softly.

"Hermione," Severus cocked his head to the side. "I can't help if you don't tell me what happened."

She moved her eyes to his collar, slowly undoing the buttons of his crisp white shirt one by one down his chest. Once at the bottom, the fabric parted revealing his scarred, alabaster skin. Hermione pushed the shirt from his shoulders, hands running across his breast and down his stomach, causing him to catch his breath. Within a few seconds, she had his belt undone as well as the placket of his trousers.

"I am definitely not complaining, but what—"

"I almost lost you," Hermione whispered, pushing his trousers and tight black pants down his bony hips. "So many times."

He sighed a little sadly, "Hermione, my love, you have no idea how sorry—"

She covered his mouth with her hand as she used the other to Banish his disheveled clothing to the laundry room. Hers followed immediately after. "I know. I just…" Hermione looked up at him, the moonlight glowing on his pale skin and making him look almost ethereal, like an angel. "I just need a minute to remind myself that this is real. That we're together."

Severus hardened against her abdomen at her words- ever the closet romantic. He smiled down at her, "I'm here, until you send me away. And even then, you won't be able to get rid of me so easily." When her expression didn't change, he leaned down to catch her gaze. "I'm not going anywhere, Hermione. Not now, not ever. I was an idiot before, but I love you and I will never stop trying to make it up to you. I swear. _Nothing_ that Lily says matters to me, and it shouldn't matter to you either because there is nothing in this world I want more than you. Do you understand?"

Hermione nodded, bottom lip caught firmly between her teeth.

Severus pulled her lip free with his thumb before catching her in a fierce, heated kiss. His mouth slanted across hers, tongue slipping past her lips to conduct a thorough and precise topography of the inside of her mouth. He mapped every dip, every ridge, every inch until she was panting and gasping for breath. Without breaking the kiss, Severus walked her backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed and she fell against the plush mattress. He nestled his hips between her spread thighs, eyes never leaving hers even as he pushed into her and rocked against her core slowly. Everything he felt for her, he poured into this moment- into every movement of his hips and slip of his tongue and touch of his fingers. He panted apologies and breathed words of love and admiration, gasped her name and promised her the world.

Every sentiment Severus offered, Hermione returned tenfold.

 _I didn't want to say anything because of how disgusting he…_

She wrapped herself around him just a little tighter and allowed the world to slip away as they made slow, reverent love under the moonlight.

x-x-x

Hermione and Severus were sipping their coffee the next morning, each reading their respective apprenticeship materials when the Floo came roaring to life.

"'Mione," James' voice croaked through the flames, "can we talk?"

She looked to Severus who, as usual, didn't react at all. Somehow managing not to roll her eyes at him, she slid to the rug in front of the fireplace and opened the connection, "Of course, James. Is everything okay?"

His face appeared in the flames just as he wiped his nose on his sleeve, "No. Yes? I don't know. I… Merlin, I wanted to apologize for last night."

"James…"

"No, no 'Mione. I mean it. I shouldn't have made you come out. I knew there was something between you and Lily and I just… I had no idea. I'm sorry."

"Thank you, I appreciate that. And… I'm sorry I didn't tell you about what she… what she did. I just… I knew how you felt about her and I'm sure you can understand why I might not want to—"

"Please, don't apologize. Just… do me a favor and please tell me that this is all some kind of cruel joke you three came up with to mess with me. Please tell me she didn't really do something so cruel and hurtful just because I _hugged_ my friend."

Most unfortunately for all involved, it's not a joke," Severus quipped from behind his potions book. He lowered the large tome to eye the wavy face in their fireplace. "Good morning, Potter. You're looking well."

Hermione elbowed his shin, "Not helping, Severus."

"Pardon me for not have a lot of sympathy for the fiancé of the woman who almost cost me my soulmate."

"Severus Snape!"

"No," James cut in, "he's right and I don't blame him for being angry. I don't blame you either, 'Mione. It took almost all night, but eventually Lily admitted the truth. She told me about seeing us in the library and immediately assuming the worst. And she admitted that _she_ kissed _him_ just to get back at you."

Severus leaned forward, his expression murderous, "Are you actually suggesting that _I_ might have—"

Once again, Hermione silenced him with a wave of her hand, "I'm glad she told you the truth. How are things with you two now? I'm sorry if this is rude, but you seem… more distraught than last night."

James rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, his voice hoarse and thick, "I postponed the wedding. I just can't go through with it until we talk to someone about all of this. I mean, how can I trust her when she did something so cruel to someone she considered a friend? It just baffles me. Sirius wanted me to break off the engagement altogether and Remus wanted me to just forget about it, so I thought postponing the wedding and going to some sort of couple's therapy with her might be a good compromise."

Hermione couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy and sadness for her friend, "I think talking to someone is a good idea. Maybe it will help her grow up a little, you know?"

"Yeah," he sighed, adjusting his now foggy glasses that had returned to his face. "Yeah, I hope so. She was pretty upset, but I told her that either we talk to someone or we don't get married. I just can't do it right now, not until I know that she really is serious."

"You're doing the right thing, James," she smiled- hopefully- reassuringly. "Do what you need to in order to feel comfortable and don't let her talk to you into anything until _you're_ ready. You guys already have everything for the wedding, you'll just need to reschedule the venue and the caterer. Take the time to fix your relationship now, while you can. Once you feel like you two are in a good place again, where you can fully trust her, _then_ get married. And when you decide, just let me know and I'll be there, okay?"

James sniffed, rubbing his nose on his sleeve again, "Thanks so much, 'Mione. I appreciate the advice and I promise to consider everything carefully. And… Severus?"

Severus looked up, genuinely surprised, "Yes?"

"I'm sorry for what Lily did. And… I'm sorry for what it almost cost you. Nothing is worth that and even though we aren't friends, I wouldn't wish anything like that on you. Maybe you and I could get together for drinks sometime; to put this whole thing behind us like adults."

Hermione could tell that Severus was struggling between his natural impulse to say something snarky and the more socially appropriate, 'decent human' response, "I…" His eyes shifted to hers for a quick second and she could see that the decent human in him had won. "I am not certain about that, but will do my best to consider it… James."

Her friend smiled, "I'll send an owl sometime when I'm not a blubbering mess anymore. Thanks again, 'Mione. I'll keep you updated on how everything goes with us."

"Please do. Now go and get some rest, James. You'll feel better after some food and some sleep."

He managed a tiny, somewhat nasally chuckle, "Yes, mum."

With that, the emerald flames in the Floo dissipated.

"Well," Severus cleared his throat uncomfortably. "That was… interesting."

She stood and turned to him, brows raised, "Did you really just tell James Potter that you'll consider having drinks with him?"

He snorted, rolling his eyes and lounging back against the sofa with his book, "'Consider' being the operative word there. I have considered it over the past thirty seconds and decided that I would still rather see Albus Dumbledore naked on a pole at Leather & Lace than have drinks with James Potter."

Hermione nearly choked on her own saliva at the mental image that wrought, "Thanks for that, Severus. I suddenly feel the need to be Obliviated. Care to oblige?"

Severus closed his book and set it on the sidetable, "Unfortunately, I can't oblige your request to be Obliviated. However, we do have exactly—" he checked the clock above the mantle. "—twenty-nine minutes until we have to leave for our apprenticeships. Neither of us have showered yet and the Ministry is all always harping about conserving water, so…"

"In the name of water conservation, I wholeheartedly accept your proposition to shower together," Hermione grinned wickedly down at the growing tent in his pajamas. "But if we're going to take care of _that_ in the next twenty-eight minutes, we might want to get moving. I'm not sure how many more instances of 'long lines at the Ministry Atrium Floos' my Arithmancy Master will accept as an excuse for being late. Especially when the hasty glamours on my neck wear off halfway through the day. "

"Then time is of the essence," he stood and scooped Hermione up only to throw her over his shoulder like a Neanderthal's prize. Their clothes were Banished to the laundry room halfway up the stairs and his lips were on hers before they made it past the bathroom door.

Thirty-two minutes later, they were both late.


End file.
